It’s Better To Be Alone Than With the Wrong Person

I’ve been single for a while now.

Sometimes, I do wonder if there’s something wrong with me that nothing is working out.

I’ve been going on dates and meeting people—I moved to a new city in September so there has been lots of stimuli and excitement. I’ve been enjoying being single, too. Dating can be fun and a cool way to experience the city.

I also do enjoy being on my own. My favourite nights are making homemade pizza and watching a movie by myself.

But the other day, after a particularly social few days, I finished working and my friend had canceled plans and I found myself sitting on the floor of my bedroom in complete silence and just felt like, now what.

In these moments, I wish I had someone. I wish I had a partner to just hang out with while watching T.V. I wish the options weren’t “go out and make plans with friends” or “be alone.”

I was on my own most of the pandemic. I was on my own for years during my early twenties. And I’ve been on my own these last few months, healing from a pretty bad breakup.

Is it okay to admit I want someone?

The next morning, my housemate came home and I talked with her about what I was feeling. She said she gets but, how many times have we been in relationships where we craved time to ourselves? Where we were with the other person and we felt more lonely?

I thought about this too. I do want someone, but I don’t want just anyone, and maybe the reason why this whole dating thing is a slower process than I anticipated is because this time, I’m not willing to settle.

This time, I actually have spent the time getting to know myself. It’s a gift that I’m okay being on my own.

These dates aren’t bad, but I’m getting to know people more carefully. I’m asking the hard but right questions.

In my early twenties, we would’ve gotten really drunk on a date and one thing would have led to another and suddenly, we’d be four months into a relationship (not exactly like that, but you get what I mean).

Now, I go home after meeting someone and I feel a little bit reflective. I listen to music or put on my favourite show or call a good friend, and life feels a little bit…quieter.

What my housemate said is true: I would rather be on my own than be with the wrong person.

The right person is going to come along when they do. There’s no point in rushing. There’s no point in trying to fill a space just for the sake of it.

So, I keep on writing, I read new books, watch crappy reality T.V., study for my master’s, go for a run along the canal, see my friends, meet new friends, go over to my sister’s to hang out with her and her fiancé in their backyard with a glass of wine.

I keep going on dates and try to have fun with this whole process.

I keep living my life.

And I realize, alone is not such a lonely place to be.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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