You meet an old lover, and suddenly all the memories come back. You could spend hours with her, talking about what you could remember and what she could remember. Every moment with sadness and happiness. Every joy and tear. You thought she could fill what was missing until you realized she wouldn’t be coming back. She’s not your home anymore.
You know those feelings that erupt out of nowhere when you willingly set aside a bit of your sanity and blurted out the stupid question, “Are you seeing someone right now?” You couldn’t bring yourself to meet her eyes because deep down, you were aware of the undeniable awkwardness in your stupid expression.
Feeling sad about what could have been done if you and she had stayed together to this very moment. It would be awesome if she had kids that resembled your calmness and her curiosity. They’d be adorable, right?
She once said, “When I was a kid, I used to assume that my parents were soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that. Andddd, I would really love it if your kids are my kids too.”
Finding her was like seeing a unicorn — almost impossible. But there she was, in the everyday stuff of your boring life. It’s as if she brought a splash of color to the usual routine, turning the ordinary into a little adventure. In those moments, the simple stuff felt kind of magical, and suddenly, life wasn’t so dull anymore. You love her because when she was around, good things became better, and bad things didn’t seem so awful.
But in this lifetime, you know that’s impossible. You know that it’s not your fault nor hers. She’s moved on, so have you. But it feels wrong, it’s itchy, it’s making you sick. You feel your heart breaking once again.
All these years and you are not hers anymore.
All your favorite memories are with her. You can’t help but smile when you think about the times you laughed together, the way she teased you, the moments you made up for your mistakes, the places you explored, and how she made ordinary moments feel so special, turning them into lasting memories.
Each memory is like a little movie playing in your head — your adventures, your talks, and all those little things that made those moments memorable.
You can’t escape the fact that she’s not here now. The memories are like old friends, always there, but you miss making new ones with her. It’s like a puzzle with a missing piece. You can’t deny that things have changed, and you feel a bit lost without her. Yet, in those memories, you find comfort and joy.
You close your eyes, but you see her. When you open them, all you see is the ceiling of your room. That’s why you can’t sleep at night. The way you miss her is always like this. You miss her, and you hate it. Sometimes you whisper her name to check if it still hurts.
Though you were once her happiness, it didn’t mean you and she needed to create another memorable moments together. It’s time to let a good thing die.
Well, it’s just like that. You don’t have to completely let her go; that person from the past will always be a part of who you are. Just accept that you’re loosening the grip on the old you, the one who had feelings for her. Tomorrow, welcome your newer self, and for today, just let go peacefully.
She’s probably enjoying her life now, and you need to start living yours.
Eventually, she deserves something sweeter.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Sven Mieke on Unsplash
