00:02
Jonah was Trapped Before he Met the Fish.
00:06
Who knew, after the first raindrop, the storm was Jonah’s fault?
00:10
I would have.
00:12
Guilt has a smell that lingers
00:14
worse than the meat fishermen sift through daily.
00:17
Anyone with a long shadow dragging through the ground
00:20
won’t be welcomed aboard,
00:22
especially someone whose only visible luggage
00:24
is the slump in their shoulders.
00:26
I’d recognize that dip anywhere.
00:28
The storm bubbled over,
00:30
and Jonah dripped to the bottom of the boat, silent and low,
00:35
praying everything above him would just settle.
00:38
I time how long I can hold my breath underwater
00:40
for 13 straight days.
00:42
Every evening I took an extra-large bottle of wine,
00:46
filled the bathtub and locked the door.
00:49
Maybe tonight will be the night they find me.
00:51
Jonah hid like an untrained dog
00:54
who wet the rug when his owner came home too late.
00:56
My roommate comes home early,
00:59
knocks to ask if I’m okay.
01:01
I let my words leak under the door,
01:03
and they form a puddle of false relief.
01:06
Was the crew ready to throw Jonah overboard
01:08
after the first tear?
01:10
Or did he have to prove how ready he was to die?
01:14
Is killing myself a sin if I really want to die?
01:18
Jonah, a man dull enough to think God can’t see him at all times.
01:23
He sees when I dip my head back and let the water reach my ears
01:27
and keep going, keep sinking.
01:30
A prophet disappearing gets God’s attention.
01:33
A depressed 20-something does not.
01:36
God would never follow me across the ocean or my bathroom
01:40
to change my mind.
01:42
I’m aware I will never be loved as much.
01:45
He only comes to sit on the edge of the tub to hold the timer.
01:49
My Lord, see how long I can hold my breath?
01:52
Once I broke my record,
01:54
opened my eyes under the sea,
01:56
felt my feet push back and watched me float up on my own,
02:00
my nose and mouth forced above the surface to remember what air was.
02:04
God held Jonah underwater until he was his prophet again.
02:09
God saves my life while keeping his hands dry.
02:13
I accomplish nothing. My body doesn’t let me.
02:16
My God doesn’t let me.
02:19
God might let me drown one day if I practice hiding better–
02:23
a bigger tub and whiskey this time,
02:25
an empty house and a nap below.
02:28
Is it even my body if I’m made in his image?
02:30
Is it even a bath if God wants a baptism?
02:34
(applause)
02:36
This is the last one. Thanks, guys! I was really nervous.
◊♦◊
Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
◊♦◊
Talk to you soon.
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