We practiced our falling technique in Aikido Class. Ishibashi Sensei had us take falls on softer foam mats in the Dojo. I practiced lifting my feet straight up in the air taking falls. That way I land on my upper back and shoulders. Not on my lower back. I protect myself. I don’t get hurt.
When I take my fall, I let go my fear inside of getting hurt. I free myself in the moment of the fall. I’m present in the moment. The profound purpose of the training is being present. There is only now. There’s no past or future, really. When I take my falls, I let go my fear inside. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I take the fall, I let go more of my fear. I believe in myself. I open up. I have fun.
After class, Sensei and I hung out. He’s trained in Aikido for 40 years. I’ve trained for 35 years. I said, “After all the years, I still have fun in Aikido.” Sensei smiled, “That’s the only reason to do anything.” I nodded, “Yeah.” At 61 years old, I have as much fun as I can, for as long as I can. Having fun is meaningful. Why do anything if it’s not fun? Just asking.
When I was 8 years old, I got that whatever fun I had would end, very badly. I constantly waited for the other shoe to drop. I could be drawing my favorite superheroes or playing with my cousins at a Birthday party. I would do something. Dad would get very angry at me. Whatever fun I had ended abruptly. Often, I was crying, too. I endured my childhood, rather than reveling in it.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido for 25 years until be passed away. Sensei said, “Just train.” Practice makes the unnatural natural. I got good at Aikido by just training. I got that I can be happy, I can have fun by just training. That just takes some work.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble True is the path to end suffering. One path to end suffering is having fun. Over the years, I just trained to have fun. Given my childhood that took some work. Just train. Now, I have as much fun as I can for as long as I can. I do what I love for as long as I can, too. That’s Aikido, that’s seeing movies, that’s writing for me. I have a meaningful life. I have fun.
After 35 years of Aikido training, I’m Godan (5th degree black belt). I have more fun in Aikido than I have in years. That has a lot to do with training with Ishibashi Sensei. He inspires me to work on myself, not on others. Sensei says, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” He reminds that the purpose of Aikido to release your fear. Every time I enter the attack, when the 250-pound man punches, I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I let go more and more of my fear inside. I free me. I have confidence in myself. I have fun.
As I work on myself, as I get better, I can help others work on themselves as they invent their greater-than versions. I try to raise everyone up. That makes a difference. I have fun.
I love movies. When I watch movies, I see myself on the big screen. I write movie reviews on The Good Men Project. Michael Phillips, film critic of the Chicago Tribune, is my friend. Michael is my Movie Critic Hero. His friendship made me a better writer. He advised that I drop my catch phrase: Just saying. He pointed out that it really diminishes what I’m actually saying. I got it. I’ve since dropped that narrative. I appreciate that Michael thinks I’m a good writer in giving his advice. I have nothing, but mad love and respect for Michael.
I get to meet Michael for the first time at an event in Los Angeles. Although we been friends for over 7 years, we’ve never met in person. We correspond exclusively on email and Facebook. We’ve shared about our lives and family over the years. Meeting Michael is fun.
I write about loving and forgiving thine own self with my Editors Lisa Hickey and Li M Blacker on The Good Men Project. I get through my clinical depression in therapy with my therapist Lance Miller, Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei, meditation, and just living life. I write about my journey to end suffering to hopefully inspire someone out there who could have been me. From the number of shares I receive for our posts, I’ve been able to make a tangible difference. I also have fun.
My life on Planet Earth is finite. Time is undefeated. I have as much fun as I can for as long as I can. I do what I love for as long as I can. I try to make a difference for others. I just have fun being me. Amen.
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Photo by Possessed Photography on Unsplash
