—
- A rapist is released from prison for “good behavior”.
- An NFL player refuses to stand for the National Anthem in an act of protest.
So, I take it we’ve all heard about these things. I know I have about 30 Facebook friends who do nothing but post graphics about these issues and it really makes me want to unplug from social media. It’s not that I don’t want to hear about these things, I do. What I’m sick of are people going online and acting as if posting a bunch of memes accomplishes anything. Today, if you are outraged by something that you see in the media, you click ‘share’ and write a few sentences about how horrible it is. “Point and click” has replaced “action”. You’re not raising awareness of a famous athlete’s actions. You’re not making someone aware of a rapist beating the system. We all know this is happening.
So, what’s next? Well, if all you’re doing is keeping yourself angry for the next injustice to show itself, which these days will happen in relatively short order, good for you. You’ve raised your blood pressure and given the people around you the illusion that you’re some sort of online quasi-activist. For those of us who actually want to see a change, then read on.
What could possibly change things for the better? Well, you essentially have two choices;
- You can take some kind of action to try and make these situations better.
- You can keep complaining on Facebook, take your digital placebo and wait for the next outrage.
What actions can you take? Well, in the issue of the NFL player, you can either boycott the NFL on principle, you can write to the player and express your views to him directly (provided you are angry at HIM) or if you agree with him, you can videotape the police when they exercise their powers in front of you, you could livestream it to Facebook for example. You could write letters to your police station’s Internal Affairs department (most major cities have them). Will you get thrown in jail? It’s a possibility. But, enough of these things happening will change things. They’ll change the way society at large looks at the issue of police brutality and law enforcement overreach. It might even get them to the point where they might do something about it.
As far as the act of protest itself, namely him not standing during the national anthem and everyone getting all bent out of shape about it, I don’t understand how someone could be bothered about an act of protest while living in a country whose existence began as an act of protest. It doesn’t disrespect the troops or anyone who fought for this country, because THIS is what they fought for. They fought for the right for every American to express themselves however thy see fit. Saying that what he did is wrong is disrespecting those who fought for this country.
In the case of the rapist, well, what’s done is done. He will live his life unbothered by the fact that he raped an unconscious woman. Fair enough. He’ll do 3 years probation and have to register as a sex offender. Doesn’t seem very fair to me, but it is what it is.
However, some positive results have occurred because of this. As a result, the California Legislature sent a bill to Governor Jerry Brown that will mandate tougher sentences in cases where the victim is unconscious or severely intoxicated and thus unable to resist. Turner would have faced three years behind bars under the law. Do I think this is far enough? No. In my opinion, you rape someone, you do at least ten years. Period.
What can you do about this? Well, start with being an ear to lean on when someone you know has had this happen to them. Volunteer with crisis centers, suicide hotlines (a lot of calls made to suicide hotlines are made due to rape trauma), write letters to legislative bodies to increase the penalties for rapists and their acts. There’s a million things you can do, both directly or indirectly.
As far as Brock Turner, in my personal opinion, I’m not worried about it. Karma is a bitch and he’s living on borrowed time.
Whether it’s Brock Turner, Judge Persky, Colin Kaepernick or whoever else, we have a larger problem here. We have a cultural problem of violence and entitlement. We have an issue with police officers using violence to keep people in line. Granted, some of these people are legitimately resisting arrest, most aren’t. Just this morning, I learned of another episode of the police arresting and detaining without cause and instead of being outraged, I smiled. The two men who were arrested were an ACLU organizer and a Wisconsin State Representative.
They were released without being charged with anything. Want to know why? Because they had the means to fight back.
So do you.
So do we all.
Our means to fight back is accountability. Holding the abusive police officers accountable, getting them out of public service and distinguishing their actions from the actions of the officers doing their best to serve the public is the way to solve this. Holding rapists accountable for their acts, removing them from our culture and distinguishing their actions from the normal acceptable behavior is the way to solve that.
Those who cannot conform to the societal norms we’ve established as human beings do not deserve the right to live within that society.
Having a gun and a badge does not automatically make you a super hero. It makes you someone who should have to exercise higher standards than those without the means to easily detain and (in certain cases, legally) kill another human being. Thankfully, those people are a minority and most police officers are the men and women I was brought up to respect.
The basic problem we have is that we talk too much and listen too little. We resort to violence when we have civil discourse available. We make each other bleed when we should make each other understand. Failing that, we don’t agree to disagree. We’re brought up in a competitive atmosphere that says, “Our views are irreconcilable and mine is right” and meanwhile we discard the things that make us useful and special. Our views and ways of life can exist side by side without the need to resort to violence.
If someone thinks that violence is a solution, then they are the problem.
- Brock Turner, an entitled white kid accepting of violence, is the problem.
- Colin Kaepernick, a football player who committed an act of protest is not the problem.
- The police officer who guns down an unarmed black child, is the problem.
- The police officer who speaks up to administration in an effort to make a change, and gets fired, is not the problem.
It’s time to be specific about what the problem truly is. If you share things on Facebook and honestly feel like you’ve done your part, then congratulations…
…you’re part of the problem, too.
The role of men is changing in the 21st century. Want to keep up? Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
Photo: Getty Images
I like to be informed, without being overwhelmed by all of the discourse. My husband is in a position to effect change and, for this reason, I like to be aware about what is happening in our world. We discuss these things quite often and tend to agree about just about everything, in terms of the roots of problems and what can be done to improve upon them vs. what the types of errors that are making the problems worse. For me, there is no danger in making people aware and discussing issues, in order to perhaps arrive at a… Read more »
@ Kat
We’re more connected than you might think. A guy in my class was on the city council where he used to live. He recounted with pride how he fought for wheel chair side walk ramps in his city and got the ordinance passed. The class was surprise when the teacher informed us that those ramps are most often used by mothers with strollers. Go figure. He tried to help the disabled and ended up helping every one.
Jonathan I like this piece very much and by taking the time to comment on it I may be wasting time that I could be better spending doing something with potentially more impact regarding any of the causes mentioned. I get a “feel good” out of taking the time to read this article all the way to the end rather ignore it, a “feel good” for being the “kind of man” who’s Facebook algorithm delivers Good Men Project articles to, a “feel good” for reminding myself that I have had articles accepted by The Good Men Project too. I could… Read more »
Well said, Johnathan. This is most commonsensical, grounded reflection I’ve read on these 2 matters; cut the talk and double the action of making a meaningful contribution to what’s happening around us.
I agree with some of what you state here. My area of disagreement is your statement that civil discourse is available, and that we have the ability to hold the rapist or the police-turned-murderer accountable. I think those statements are naive and laden with white (and maybe male) privilege. For the few rape survivors who do report their rape (and that is a tiny fraction of all the rapes that are going on), an even tinier fraction get investigated by police, and that gets winnowed down as prosecutors pick and choose a sliver of those, to pursue. Then, when those… Read more »
Nicely said!
You are making altogether too much sense here, Johnathan. Hell, your not even angry.
I’m kidding. Well stated.
“Saying that what he did is wrong is disrespecting those who fought for this country.”
No, saying what he did was illegal or he should be imprisoned for it would disrespect those who died for freedom of speech. Saying he’s abusing or misusing a a right is not the same thing.
I’ll point out another thing. There is a huge problem in society women people (overwhelmingly female perpetrators) can force men to engage in sex (rape men in short) and have that not legally classified as rape.
I do agree that it is possible for a woman to rape a man. I am not certain how the law prevents rape of men by women from being classified as rape – if sex is forced, it is rape, by law, regardless of who the rapist is, and who the victim is. I am not certain that this constitutes a huge problem in society, as well. I expect that the number of times this actually occurs in society is a tiny percentage of all rapes committed. Men do get raped, but the majority of men are raped by other… Read more »
@ Raven Anne Quigley Then the issue is education. Did you know that Brock Turner wasn’t convicted of rape? Because he never raped her based on the law’s definition. He was convicted of 3 counts of sexual assault. So the question is do you think she was raped? The issue with the law was that rape required that they prove he raped her forcibly. The law was changed so that intoxication now requires force. The law as far as I know hasn’t been changed to include envelopment. Laws that are based on penetration ignore the fact that a woman can… Read more »
Abother good source is http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/03/coerced-sex.aspx “A total of 43 percent of high school boys and young college men reported they had an unwanted sexual experience and of those, 95 percent said a female acquaintance was the aggressor, according to a study published online in the APA journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity®.” 43% is not small. Why do you think that it’s young men? I’ve spoken with many male survivors and there are several factors involved. 1. There are few if any resources to assist men who have been sexually assaulted. Even organizations that are supposed to support sexual assault… Read more »
Well argued column!
Johnathan,
Very well said indeed. I am not on any social media at all but hear a lot about it from my wife. We need to teach the lesson that you brought up so well in your article more and more. “Actions” count, we are not separate from society, ALL OF US ARE THE SOCIETY WE CREATE.
PEACE & LOVE.
“ALL OF US ARE THE SOCIETY WE CREATE.” I could not have said this better. 🙂