—
As parents of twin boys who have been loved, adored and successful all of their 19 years so far, my wife and I have often been told “you should write a book on parenting” at the various awards ceremonies we’ve attended as proud parents. However, the truth is, apart from loving the boys with all our hearts, their success in life has less to do with what we’ve taught them and much more with what they have taught us about ourselves.
With both my wife and I having had experienced at least one rather controlling parent and also having admired the “follow the child” philosophy embodied by the Montessori movement, we chose to be keen observers of our children rather than impose any game plan of our own for their lives. We felt that they would have their own likes and dislikes and that it would be wise for us to pay attention particularly to what they were drawn to, and encourage them in those directions.
At the same time, Shirley and I were in the early stages of personal transformations that caused us to pay close attention to our habits and behavioral patterns, and we started to notice that our children appeared to be reflecting back to us what we needed to know about ourselves. We noticed that one of our sons was consistently showing me behavioral patterns that occurred when I was a child, while our other son was showing childhood patterns of his mommy.
As these patterns were unresolved emotions from childhood upsets, we learned to pay close attention when one of our boys would be moody or in any way unloving either to us or his brother, and would express our love and gratitude to him for helping us with our “work”. This would always help re-center whoever was upset, although this wouldn’t entirely complete until we made the connection with what we had seen as unloving for us about this situation when we had been children. It was as if our children were coaching us to bring our emotional energy back into alignment with love.
The more we did this over the years, the less our boys exhibited negative emotional patterns, including losing all feelings of shyness and inhibition, leading to their always asking questions in class and thriving more and more academically. They also loved to try everything that interested them at the schools they attended, taking home more prizes than their peers, but without having to face others’ jealousy because they were not only loved by their teachers but by their fellow students as well.
As they helped us to transform our non-loving patterns, these patterns no longer expressed through them. We all became more loving both towards ourselves and others. Our boys loved to get involved in service activities because of the fun of working helping others. In their final year of high school, they were elected President and Vice-President of their school’s Student Council by their peers and thoroughly enjoyed working with their peers to elevate school spirit with music at lunch, inter-homeroom competitions, organizing Prom, and other fun activities.
As juniors at college, they’ve been getting great internships with world-class companies since freshman year and founded a student speaker series through which other students can learn success tips from those who have succeeded before them. As parents, we couldn’t be happier with how our kids have turned out. In the end, there is only one success tip I have for other parents:
Be open to seeing your child as much more than their body and its capabilities. You and your children are much more than that, each with wise souls that have come together to help each another grow and evolve as beings of love. Honor your children for the beings of love they really are and you will be honored by them in return.
—
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
The Good Men Project is an Amazon.com affiliate. If you shop via THIS LINK, we will get a small commission and you will be supporting our Mission while still getting the quality products you would have purchased, anyway! Thank you for your continued support!
—
Photo credit: Getty Images