Letting Go Isn’t the Same As Giving Up

I had a favorite sweater growing up. I wore it with everything. It didn’t matter if it matched my outfit or smelled like too little deodorant. We were inseparable.

One day I went to pull it on and discovered the shoulders were a bit too tight. The sleeves revealed my wrists, and the zipper no longer connected comfortably. For a while, I ignored the signs that I’d outgrown it.

Then one day, we reached the point of no return and I had to say my goodbyes. It hung in my closet for weeks, maybe even months. I couldn’t let it go, even though it was no longer wearable. My attachment to what had been, prevented me from letting go and moving on.

Our relationships with people can feel same way.

Through nobody’s fault, we outgrow friendships and romantic partners like clothing. And when we go through major life events, it’s practically inevitable.

As we emerge from our homes and return to our communities post-vaccine, we’ll be faced with some awkward truths about our relationships.

Everyone has been affected by this pandemic, but not all of us have chosen to change.

Those of us who’ve undergone major shifts in self-awareness have been transformed. We’re not the same individuals who went into lock down a year and a half ago. And with that shift, we’re bound to discover a reorientation of our communities that will include letting go of old friends.

It may be hard to accept, but sometimes our growth takes us away from relationships we once held close. It’s not a commentary on our ability to create valuable relationships. It’s a casualty of our growth. How we weather such shifts has everything to do with our perspective.

Separations, whether by our choice or not, can make us feel adrift without an anchor.

We can struggle to find our bearings without those people in our lives. But if we’re willing to sit with that discomfort, it will teach us about our strength and about how we can move forward with self-compassion.

Each parting adds a layer of understanding about how we show up for others, how we take care of ourselves, and what we want in our lives moving forward. It’s not about throwing out all the good times. It’s about appreciating what each connection offered us, and accepting when the time has come to let it go.

When you orient your life around priorities anchored in your core values, it becomes crystal clear which relationships to foster, and which to cut loose.

And it doesn’t have to be personal. There’s no need to judge others for their journey, or feel superior to people we leave behind. They were in our lives for a reason, and we can let them go with gratitude.

We do no one any favors when we hold onto things that no longer fit. My sweater wasted many a month captive in my closet, when it could have been out in the world discovering a new owner who would love it just as much as me. Yes, I realize I’ve anthropomorphized a sweater but that’s how much I loved it!

It makes sense that we’d strive to maintain homeostasis, or seek a sense of normalcy after going through a life-altering event. But in doing so, we also remain stuck in the values and beliefs of a previous iteration of ourselves, and we deserve better than that.

Releasing relationships that no longer serve us is one of the highest forms of self-compassion.

It’s not vindictive or spiteful. It’s acceptance. The only constant in life is change and that applies to every facet of our life. Nothing is spared this reality and in denying that simple truth, we cause ourselves and others more heartache than is necessary.

It’s worth recognizing that through adversary we emerge anew, forever refining and becoming the person we’re meant to be. To this day, I still mourn some of those out-grown relationships. But I don’t miss those previous iterations of me.

With meetings and partings both, we must be willing to appreciate relationships for what they are, and also let them go when the time has come.

It’s in clinging to what no longer fits us that pain and emotional strife arise. Letting go may seem painful initially, but in doing so, we discover our potential for limitless growth and self-awareness.

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Previously Published on medium

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Photo credit: by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay