Kirists accept that they are obliged to engage in radical self-authorship. They must make their own meaning, identify and live their life purposes, and so on. But does anyone feel quite up to that?
Why might you not feel equal to radical self-authorship? Maybe your personality needs an upgrade. Maybe your circumstances are dire. Maybe your thoughts are fighting with you. Or maybe you’ve decided that life is a cheat.
Many people have decided, quite consciously or just out of conscious awareness, that life has cheated them. It dropped them into a mean family. It gave them less than stellar looks. It set them up for a hard life leading inevitably to death.
This evaluation of life as a cheat is typically not a constant evaluation. We don’t feel this way about life every single minute. For portions of the day we smile, amuse ourselves, and feel fine. Then darkness suddenly strikes, just like that.
The moment before we were laughing. Now we feel as cold as ice. We’re likely to call this “depression.” We may think that we need a therapist or a pill. What we really need is to answer the question, “If life has cheated me, then what?”
What are some possible answers? Well, first is a rejection of the premise. “No, life has not cheated me. In order for it to have cheated me, it first needed to promise me something. But nothing was promised. So, no fraud was committed.”
I wasn’t promised good teeth. I wasn’t promised the upper classes. I wasn’t promised serenity. I wasn’t promised decent parents. So, as I wasn’t promised anything, I haven’t been cheated. I am challenged, not cheated, which is different.
Or you might reject the language. “Is ‘cheat’ the right word? Or is it closer to ‘disappointed’? ‘Cheat’ is such a big word, so hard to bear, so demoralizing! But ‘disappointed’—well, maybe I can deal with that. Who doesn’t get disappointed?”
Really, who doesn’t get disappointed? It starts so early, the disappointments. Hoping for a kind word and getting criticism instead. Hoping to win and coming in last. Disappointments inevitably mount up. But that is different from being cheated.
Or you might evaluate life more generously. You might say, “Well, yes, I can list all the blows, all the indignities, and all the disappointments. But there was also some beauty and some goodness and some happiness and some victories.”
You might shine a light on what is good and what is possible and what is available. This positive attitude is a decision you make to notice life’s warm bits, despite all the coldness. You say, “I choose to be a little bit upbeat, despite everything.”
Or you might decide that you haven’t been cheated at all. This might sound like: “I am free enough to live my life purposes, to tackle the project of my life, to find a measure of happiness, and to make myself proud. Where was I cheated?”
You had better do one of these or something similar or risk ruining your chances of ever experiencing life as meaningful. As long as “life has cheated me” remains stuck in your craw, you will feel that choking sensation as you choke on life.
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Eric Maisel is the author of 50+ books. You can learn more about him at www.ericmaisel.com, subscribe to all of his blog posts at https://authory.com/ericmaisel, learn more about kirism here, and write him at [email protected]
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