In Aikido, I practice the technique for tsuki, the punch to the stomach, chest, or head. I wait it out until the punch nearly touches. I take a hit if I have to. I enter into the attack. I apply the technique to myself. I end the attack.
The late Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Don’t move too early. Take a glancing blow, if you have to. You’re not going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.”
So, I wait it out until the very last moment. I move into the punch with my body in profile, not giving the attacker, the uke, an open target. I may take a hit, albeit a glancing blow. In waiting it out, the attacker fully extends his punch, and is off balance.
I let the punch pass me. I execute the technique, whether it’s kotegaeshi (wrist lock) or iriminage (clothesline to the head). It’s one time.
At any moment, I choose whether to let the attacker pass and walk away, or take him down, ending the attack. I choose one or the other. If I freeze, just stand there, the attacker takes me out. I’m in No Man’s Land.
Sensei said, “Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not going to get away scot-free.” There’s no perfect attack. There’s no perfect technique. It’s messy. Like life is messy. There’s no perfect life. We’re not going to get away scot-free. When I choose to do what’s meaningful to me, there will always be costs and sacrifices to make. That’s just life.
I choose whether to let the attack pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses whether to continue in his attack, accepting the consequences or stand down. It’s a choice. Much like life.
When I choose to do what‘s meaningful to me, I choose to be uncomfortable. I choose to enter the attack, to enter what I fear. That fear could be some 250-pound man coming to punch my head off or asking a woman that I like a lot, if she would like to get sushi. Both have polarized relevance. Still, I choose what to do and accept the consequences of my actions.
NBA Hall of Famer, the late Kobe Bryant said that he didn’t have a problem with people who didn’t possess his work ethic. He said, “I have a problem with people, who expect to be great, but don’t put in the work.” Amen.
Life is messy. Choosing what’s meaningful, to become my greater-than version, to become the better person, I choose the uncomfortable. No shit. I won’t get away, scot-free. I take life’s glancing blows. That’s just what I do.
I worked with my therapist Lance to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I looked at my anger and fear of my dad. Hell, that was terrifying. Then, I remembered the late Mizukami Sensei, who said, “Make it work.” “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” I chose to take on my fear and anger.
O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I’m my GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) opponent. I overcome me. I enter what I fear, the fear within me. I just train.
My zero, my starting point was, “I’m no good. I’m a fucking loser.” Taking my baby steps, I hated on myself a lot less. I couldn’t simply love myself from my zero. I evolved into space, “I’m okay.” Cheryl Hunter taught me the invaluable gift of kindness. She said, “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.” So, I just train. Nothing, but mad love and respect to Cheryl.
I’m not in the space of “I’m great.” Yet, I’m in the space of “I’m okay. I can do this.” I lighten the fuck up. I love and forgive mine own self. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Again, I choose.
Cheryl said, “Life is imperfectly perfect.” Wabi-sabi: The beauty in our imperfection. I choose the uncomfortable, in inventing my greater-than versions. I enter what I fear. I can’t do anything meaningful, half-assed. Amen.
Life is imperfect. Life is messy. We choose to make our lives work. We put in the work, risk being uncomfortable, and take life’s glancing blows. Just saying.
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