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You truly do not appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone. I am talking about sleep. Those crazy nights you partied till three in the morning, then woke up at six, and went to work at eight. Those all-nighters in college you spent cramming for your test, then pulled an “A-” on the final. All of those hours of sleep you threw away, bragging about how highly-functional you were with only 5 hours of sleep.
As a rookie parent of your newborn infant, you’re gonna be making deals with God to get every one of those minutes back.
Newborns take your precious sleep from you, day after day, week after week, month after month, and for some parents, even year after year. This is something incredibly important for new parents to know. It may be the key to your sanity.
Did you know that the CIA uses sleep deprivation as torture? Sleep deprivation is something they use often because it is not considered violent. Although this form of torture is not considered physically violent, prolonged sleep deprivation has proven to attack the deep biological functions of a person’s mental and physical health. When the CIA tortures a prisoner with sleep deprivation, they wake up the victim in the middle of the day or night with loud noises and flashing lights. Then, the prisoner is told to stand up and perform different types of physical action, such as carrying objects over their head without allowing them to fall. All of this is done while the prisoner is in a daze, just seconds after being woken up. After adequate persecution, the prisoner is allowed to go back to sleep, only to have the process begin again intermittently throughout the day and night. This is exactly what a new parent experiences with their infant.
Here is an example of what I experienced in the first two months as a stay-at-home daddy:
Loud crying wakes me up in the middle of the night…or is it morning? I immediately get up so that the cries do not turn to screams. I search for the light. I can’t use anything too bright or it will hurt the baby’s eyes or my own. In a half-awakened state in a dimly lit room, I pick up my fragile newborn and figure out what he needs. Is it a bottle? I prepare a bottle while caring for baby. The baby pushes the bottle away and continues to cry. Is it gas? Is he too cold? Will a pacifier help? Is everyone in this house going to wake up, because I can’t keep this baby quiet?
By the time the baby stops crying, we are both wide awake. He gazes at me as I fearfully wonder When will you go back to sleep? Five minutes? Fifteen minutes? A half hour? I never know. What I do know is that I need my sleep, because I am completely drained of energy, and this new job as stay-at-home daddy demands everything from me. But there is no negotiating with baby. I do not go back to sleep until he allows it.
When the baby goes back to sleep, I try to relax my nerves so that I can too. I am left alone, lying in bed, trying to put myself back to sleep. There is a haunting knowing that my sleep will be interrupted again soon. But when? Will baby wake me up in an hour? In fifteen minutes? Might I hope for four hours of sleep this time? Will I ever get adequate rest?
This is not an exaggeration of what it feels like for a new parent who is lacking sleep. For me, this was going on for months. I was under complete stress, in a dark room, holding my newborn, fully aware that I could pass out while carrying him, simply because I was beyond mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. Isn’t this similar to the CIA’s methods of sleep deprivation torture? That’s what it felt like to me, even though I was one of those lucky parents.
Our son was considered a good sleeper. At only 2-months-old he slept for six straight hours through the night. I remember it clearly. I woke up one morning around seven. In a split second, I realized I was waking up to silence, and a rush of terror filled my body. “The baby!” I said aloud. I figured the only reason he was quiet was because something had gone horribly wrong in the night. I sprung up from my bed, looked in his bassinette, and saw him there, swaddled up, sound asleep, and completely at peace. I shook my head. Damn that S.I.D.S.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or “S.I.D.S.” is a term you hear quite often in the months leading up to childbirth. It’s when the baby dies in their sleep for a number of possible reasons. Just another little thing to bounce around in your head while you’re trying to enjoy this joyous miracle called parenting.
It’s amazing how something so simple like sleep can become so underappreciated, manipulated, and terrorizing. The saying rang true for me: You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Out of all the things I lost in becoming a new daddy, I missed sleep the most.
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This article is an adjusted excerpt from Alejandro’s memoir, The Legendary Daddy and is republished with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
