Love, Grief, and the Heimlich

Traumaniversary.

October 26th marks the worst day of my life. The day I lost the most important person ever—my grandma.

It was sudden. It could’ve been avoided. It was heartbreaking. It’s been 5 years and yet it feels like it was today. I’m not sure I feel comfortable disclosing how it happened but I’ll go ahead because awareness saves lives. She choked during lunch, suffocated in her own food. She stayed in a coma for 24 hours but her brain was already dead.

It was horrible. Horrible. On that day, I had prepared to make a surprise visit to her place because I hadn’t seen her in 2 weeks and wanted to start taking more time off to enjoy time with her. Then this happened. And it shattered my world forever. I’ve carried so much guilt over it. Had I been at that lunch, could I have done the Heimlich manoeuvre and saved her life?

Had I called that morning, could the entire day have changed? She was the only person who ever loved me. She is the mother of my mother but I was nothing like her.

She yelled many times at her own daughter, asking her why she talked to me so badly. She never found out how bad things really were, but in the little time we spent together growing up, she was the most tender, loving person to me. She grew up as a farmer and was a natural caregiver.

She loved farm animals and growing crops. I must’ve taken after her — she’d always say out of her 16 grandchildren, I was the only one she could relate to. She truly was a gem. I miss her every day.

Today I want to cry. But instead, I will try to celebrate her life and existence through mine. And let everyone know the importance of learning the Heimlich manoeuvre — you can save a life.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t at that lunch, and none of the 20 family members who were there knew how. Hold your loved ones close. Don’t leave words unsaid. Ask all the questions and hear all the stories.

Life is too short.