Love Is About Fighting Together, Not Fighting Each Other

boPeople often say that in the journey of love, we should find the “right” person. And “right” means the compatibility between partners so that to prevent many conflicts and disputes, and make the relationship happy and fulfilling. I would say this statement is only half correct.

Finding the right person is important, but no matter how compatible and complementary the relationship is, there will always be differences that can give rise to problems. Some problems are minor and can be solved by stepping back, but some are impossible to resolve no matter how hard you try!

I was particularly impressed by a study saying that 69% of conflicts between couples cannot be resolved, in the other words, only one-third of the problems can be solved. Therefore, it’s crucial to identify which problems in a relationship can be resolved and which ones cannot be. For those that can be resolved, partners should discuss and coordinate; for those that cannot be resolved, couples need to learn how to adjust.

Let me give you an example, your boyfriend often sacrifices your time together because of work. You have reminded him many times but he still refuses to change. In the end, both of you often end up unhappy about this matter. What is even worse is you feel no matter how you express yourself, he always chooses work over you, takes you eventually become mentally exhausted.

Let us change the angle of this conflict: if you cannot change your boyfriend, you can adjust your attitude and spend time with your friends or do things you enjoy during the time he cannot be with you. Loving someone does not mean loving him or her to change for you.

You may ask, why should we change ourselves instead of the other person? It’s undeniable that most people hope that their partner can become what they expect, but what if the other person finds it difficult to change in that regard? What we see as “not taking an effort” in the other person’s inability to change, may actually lead to us becoming unwilling to communicate, even to the extent of choosing to ignore and avoid our partner’s invitation. In fact, this is indirectly damaging the relationship and rejecting other possible outcomes.

The success of a relationship does not depend on how many problems it can solve, but on how partners adjust to each other.

Loving someone doesn’t mean trying to change them to fit our expectations. While it’s natural to want our partners to grow and improve, it’s important to accept that some habits may not change, and it is totally okay. It’s important to focus on our own growth and development, as well as finding ways to accommodate our partner’s differences that cannot be changed.

Ultimately, the success of a relationship is not measured by how many problems can be solved, but rather by the willingness of both partners to work together to navigate the challenges that arise, while still maintaining love and respect for each other.

Couples should remember that being together is not only about loving each other during happy moments, but also during the tough times, the arguments, and the tears.

Instead of giving up on the relationship after one fight, it’s important to fight hundreds of times, but still choose to be together. Through compromise and understanding, I believe every couple can build a stronger and lasting bond that can weather any storm!