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The last few years of my life have been eye-opening spiritually, for me. I am coming to an understanding as to why I have felt so deeply about so many things in my life and how I have to honor those emotions and allow them to exist harmoniously within me. At the same time, I acknowledge how society views me as a man, and as a black man; the two are similar and very different. A feeling man is no less of a man. With the inherent physical strength of a man, an empath also vibrates with his emotions at their purest and highest form.
In my adult relationships with women, I have been told to “Man up! You’re too sensitive! Stop being a Pussy!” (Yes, that was said to me.) I have spent some time with a woman who is seeking her own spirituality and most recently while in her company, I realized that I am an Empath. I now have clarity in a way I never have before in that I feel, I feel deeply and there is nothing wrong with that. The feeling is transmitted when I come into contact with people when people are very close to me. All of the senses are heightened the happiness and the sadness. Hence, being an Empath.
When you first hear the word “Empath” some people think spooky mystical individual lurking behind a cauldron with a long nose and a crystal ball anxious to tell the future. No, that ain’t necessarily so. I like this definition of an Empath: a person who absorbs other people’s emotions and experiences these emotions as if they were their own. Empathic people are highly sensitive to the emotional climates around them and often take on the psychological baggage of other people.
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Judith Orloff, M.D. is the author of The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People(link is external), In her Psychology Today blog, Emotional Freedom, she posted an excerpt of her book: “The trademark of an empath is feeling and absorbing other people’s emotions and/or physical symptoms because of their high sensitivities. These people filter the world through their intuition and have a difficult time intellectualizing their feelings”. She lists the traits as follows:
1. Empaths are highly sensitive.
2. Empaths absorb other people’s emotions.
3. Many empaths are introverted.
4. Empaths are highly intuitive.
5. Empaths need alone time.
6. Empaths can become overwhelmed in intimate relationships.
7. Empaths are targets for energy vampires.
8. Empaths become replenished in nature.
9. Empaths have highly tuned senses.
10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much.
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Given what many men face today—loss of income, loss of self, loss of love and family because of the loss of income, self-doubt, confusion—if you add being empathic to that equation without understanding the full scope of what it is you are living through, you can start to hear the wrong voices in your head speak too loudly. You need to trust yourself, embrace yourself and understand why you feel so deeply in a world that makes you feel “less than” because you do.
I spent a significant amount of time in a relationship with a narcissistic woman who was a sociopath (even being able to say this now honestly, is freeing). When an empath and a narcissist enter into a relationship, a magnetic, dysfunctional and destructive vortex is created because the empath gives to the point where there is nothing left of them emotionally. Not to be dramatic, but to tell my truth an empath can die (literally) in a relationship like that by developing very destructive behaviors. If the empath can remove themselves from the relationship, they awaken…while the narcissist remains the same. In my case, the narcissist had nothing left to destroy when I left, so it destroyed itself. She died. I lived because I was presented with an angel on earth whose purpose was to help me love myself.
Empaths need to guard their hearts, and their spirits like Fort Knox guards the gold reserves. They know if someone is in pain, they know if someone feels a sense of loss, they know when someone has lost hope. If the empath is in love and they sense a “crack” in that safe place…they know when someone they love has closed their heart to them because they feel it to the depth of their soul. They feel it to their inner eternity and usually, cannot express the turmoil that is ripping through them like glass shards moving through a person’s veins.
The writer Victoria Erickson said it far better than I ever could “When you’re deeply sensitive, love is ecstasy. Music is godlike. Heartache is a wide, somatic wound. Natural beauty is jewel-drenched, wild bliss. Tension and conflict are muscle tightening and toxic, straight down to the cells.” Thats me in a nutshell. I own that one completely and without apologies.
Today, the world is in extreme pain. Species of animals and the earth itself is in danger of extinction because of our addictions to technology, plastic and profits; People are at war and terrorizing each other in the name of religion and territory; The bodies of innocent children washed ashore or shot in urban communities is a numbing daily occurrence; racists are pretending to be nationalists; and women are demeaned and demoralized daily by men in power.
I am now on the crux of the most peaceful mental state that I have ever achieved in my life (and I desire more). I step away from the noise around me and empty my mind through meditation; I listen to healing, soothing music that cleanses the space I am inhabiting; I am slowly breaking my addiction to news and try to ensure that I transmit only positive, uplifting news; I don’t accept any drama; I eat less, I eat better; I am trying to give up sugar; I am getting more exercise; I stay far away from narcissists; I wear mala beads that remind me of my obligation to myself and how my presence should be used to uplift those who come into contact with me and not tear down anyone; I pause and think about what I say to everyone: I raise my personal vibration by reading, writing and by responding to everything with love. And when I can’t respond in love, I stay silent and pray. I am a work in progress, a work that seeks to get better every day.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I am no longer insulted when I am called sensitive. Feeling things deeply is my super power; I am an empathic badass. Stand back while I fly away…watch the cape. (Italicized quote snatched from Pinterest, previously snatched from http://sweatpantsandcoffee.com/ and further embellished by me.)
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I am in tune with your situation , but wrap your head round this ; I am what you would consider a racist . I am also a true empath. The influx of other cultures to my native England ( not necessarily the differing skin colour ) has left me with an immense distaste for the non native within the UK . I know wholeheartedly that in the grand scheme of things racism is ridiculous but being a sensitive, I can’t help my reaction to seeing visitors disrespecting our laws and ways. It is not merely acceptable to be labelled… Read more »
Beautiful. Thank you for posting and giving me hope. It’s heartbreaking that society tries to crush the empathy out of sensitive men. x
Hi Franklin, I found comfort in your article and others you’ve written. I recently ended a four month whirlwind love affair with a narcissist. I know it’s a short time but within that time I was in love like no other man — so it felt. Her mask started to crack, then actually fall off many times. The moment attention diverted from her, she became a monster. She wore her compassion like a coat, only when she needed it. I walked out of the relationship July 3, 17. I tried to have no contact but her texts and calls where… Read more »
Hi, Douglas and thanks for sharing.
I resonate with your story and I had to run away from her.
It turned out to be both physical and emotionally abusive when the “coat” wasn’t big enough or didn’t match the moment.
The acceptance of my empath/sensitivity personality became my rescue and now I live more freely the way I am.
I work with men on these topics and would love to invite you to our web page.
http://www.inner-throne.com
I’m going through a difficult transitional period in my life. All of the problems I am facing are a result of being very sensitive. I recently left a good paying job, the only job I’ve ever had with health insurance and paid time off. I left after being put in life-threatening situations but too afraid to speak up for fear of losing respect from the tough guys (you know, the poor souls who can’t appreciate beauty or feel love) Rather than let everyone down and be called a pussy I chose to finish the job, at my own risk. I… Read more »
Franklin, Good read and thanks for sharing, as someone that has “figured out” that I was an empath I have come to the conclusion that you have to hide this side of yourself when dealing with the opposite sex. Being sensitive is a turn off to women, they view you as another woman without knowing it. When dealing with women, their feelings or better yet how you make them feel is the guiding factor in the relationship. To counter being an empath I have become dominant with women and it works well, also living out on some land and away… Read more »
Franklin, thank you for writing this article! As someone who “feels everything” but always feels alone in it, this was very helpful to stumble upon. I am an middle class white male american who has had every oppurtunity you could ever ask for. For most of my younger years I tried to fit in with the cool people who looked down on anyone who was different and made people feel bad. I was always torn about this but the it was easier than standing up for myself and others. Now as an adult i find myself in relationship with a… Read more »
I feel everything, I am sick of feeling everything, I understand why people drive fast behind me, I understand why they drive faster in front of me, I feel nature, the wind the rain, the lightning, I feel people’s pain, their loss, I feel people that have been in the military , their losses, I feel people that are rich and people that are poor, I feel sins, and people that don’t sin, I feel strength and weakness, I Feel smart and stupid, I feel wise and unwise, I understand free thinkers, I understand that women give birth to great… Read more »
Well for what it’s worth Franklin. And I think your a righteous dude. I’m an extrovert. And im also an empath and sensitive and I don’t give a shit if culturally they think im a pussy as you’ve been told you are. Because I love pussies, and therefore it means I love myself. I cry sometimes at god forbid hallmark movies. Even if they are damn predictable, which I also laugh at. So. I’m a human. I have at my disposal, a whole lot of emotions I can pull from to move me forward. I am the smartest rat that… Read more »
Thank you for publishing this!
Well said because all of us naturally are empaths unless we have been socialized or brutalized away from it. It is important to recognize the balance of the yin (empathic receptivity) and the yang (assertiveness in creating a sanctuary and sacred space. To honor our receptivity we need to wed our assertiveness in a harmony of reaching out and taking in. This too is the cycle of our breath – the basic core of our aliveness. Without this balance of Tao, we are holding our breath and suffocating our life force. Breathe deep, brother Franklin. <3
Awesome articles, it’s amazing how many brothers are awakening to our abilities….real life professor x right here , and I’m not alone