I took an Aikishintaiso seminar with Cognard Sensei. Aikishintaiso harmonizes the mind and body through physical practice. It’s a foundation of Aikido, which is budo, martial arts. It’s rigorous training like Aikido, although different.
In one of the practices, I had to balance the jo (wooden staff) on my head and walk forward. Of course, the jo kept falling off my head. Sensei had me be still. She told me to breathe. She placed the jo on my head as the fulcrum of a lever. I kept the jo on my head for a few minutes. Then I thought about what I was doing, and the jo fell off my head.
Sensei placed it on my head again. This time I was quiet inside. The jo stayed on the top of my head.
In the next class, I put the jo on my head with Sensei’s help. It stayed on my head. She said that when the jo rocks up and down, let it. Don’t resist. With the jo on my head, I took tiny steps forward. I walked like the late Tim Conway on The Carol Burnett Show. I took my baby steps. I walked with the jo on my head. Albeit very slowly.
After class, Sensei said that there’s nothing physical about balancing the jo on my head. It falls off my head, because my mind is nervous. I have to let go. I said, “Be quiet inside.” Sensei smiled and nodded.
In Aikishintaiso, Sensei taught us several distinct body movements. Then she connected them all together. The movements were not staccato, not staggered. Instead, one movement flowed into the next and so forth. We practiced flowing.
About the practice, Sensei said, “Make beautiful.”
I had tears in my eyes. That moved me.
Sensei said that technique has to be aesthetic, efficient, and ethical. Aikido technique is efficient in that it works. It’s one time. Aikido is ethical in that there is no fight. I don’t attack first. I match the attack in my attack. If I defend, I can be defeated. I only use Aikido for good. Aikido technique flows, like water, no resistance. I don’t aggress against aggression. I don’t oppose the attack. I invite the attack. I make the attack beautiful, even when the attacker’s intention is otherwise.
Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba created Aikido so that there can be peace and love in the world. He wanted to make the world beautiful. O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I’m my greatest opponent. It’s only me against me.
Like balancing the jo on my head. There is nothing physical, no force pushing the jo off my head. That’s all on me. I quiet my nervous mind. I’m quiet inside. I make beautiful inside me. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. When I make beautiful inside me, maybe I can make beautiful outside me. Make the world beautiful.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” Under the attack, in the danger, I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I make beautiful.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father, for being afraid inside too, and for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough as a little boy to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I make beautiful.
On the Good Men Project with my editor Lisa Hickey, I write about loving and forgiving thine own self on the path to end suffering. In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth is the path to end suffering. We all find our own paths. I write to guide others in finding their paths to end suffering. Maybe, they make beautiful, too That’s my sincerest wish.
One of the profound purposes of life is to make life beautiful. Make beautiful. And the world is a greater place. We all can make beautiful.
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Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash
