Time is running out. Valentine’s Day is here. Will you end up in the doghouse or as the hero? Is your gift something your wife really wants or is it just one more tangible item to wear, eat or use?
But it really isn’t too late to give her the perfect gift: the gift of love. And isn’t that what this day is supposedly all about? Doesn’t your marriage deserve that?
One of the keys to a happily ever after is to meet your partner’s needs with a loving heart and a willing spirit. My question to you is whether what is in the box all wrapped in shiny paper and ribbon, the candy or the flowers are really what your partner has been asking for? What if the best gift your loved one received was honoring the request she has been wanting for years?
I was thinking about this when I read a question from a member of a marriage group I belong to on Facebook. He was asking the ladies in the group what he should get his wife for Valentine’s Day. My gut reaction was “wrong people to ask”. What I would like or what Suzie would like is irrelevant. Because none of us are his wife.
I challenge you to think about what would really make your partner happy. Is it spending more time together watching chick flicks or NASCAR?
Being home to have dinner together on a regular basis?
Spending less time on the computer?
Finally making plans for that date night you’ve promised to arrange but never quite got around to?
Simply a matter of putting your clothes away at the end of the day?
Going to bed at the same time?
These are the gifts that can bring lasting change and happiness to your marriage.
Giving what matters
Gifts are something we think are associated with special occasions. But the best gifts are the ones we receive on a regular basis. The unexpected smile you receive from a stranger when you are having a bad day. The good morning kiss when your partner comes down to breakfast. The quick response to a request made by someone we care about.
These are the things that fill her hearts and keep her going. So why don’t you do these things more often?
Much of the time it is because you really don’t understand how important these “little” things are to your partner. You don’t really care about these things, so they don’t register on your radar screen unless your wife mentions them.
You might acknowledge the request and make a promise to do better but then you fall back into your old ways. This actually makes things worse because if you make a promise and then don’t follow through the unintended message you send is that they aren’t just that important to you; that your marriage isn’t worth altering your behavior for.
But, if you take your partner’s request to heart and really make a concerted effort to honor that need, the payoff is enormous. It is a living illustration of your love for the person you have asked to share your life. It is an amazing example of your ability to put your partner’s wants and needs equal to your own. It is a marvelous gift that will keep your marriage thriving and successful for many years to come.
Remember the gift of love is a gift that can be given any time of the year and is always the perfect fit. (It also makes Valentine’s less terrifying and all important.)
Previously Published on Foundations Coaching