What makes guys think their waitress is another dish on the menu? Sebastian Molano thinks he knows.
The scene is too familiar. It is Saturday night in town; a group of guys sits in a restaurant. A round of drinks comes their way. They chat loudly and their laughter fills the place, they make jokes to each other. They are boys being boys, hanging out, enjoying their lives.
The scene is so familiar, that most of the times the same painful dynamic that surrounds a given table in front of me passes unnoticed. I see those boys being boys. As I have seen many. I have been one of those boys. But there is something about what is happening that makes me feel really uncomfortable. I cannot grasp clearly what this is. Everything seems so normal yet I feel disturbed and upset. But what is it?
When privileges are so ingrained in a person, in a culture, it is really hard to reflect back and recognize that as a result of such privileges, uneven relations emerge and replicate. Merriam-Webster defines privilege as a right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others; a special opportunity to do something that makes you proud; the advantage that wealthy and powerful people have over people in a society.
Suddenly, the pieces of an idea emerge and I get it. It is the male privilege.
This male privilege is being played out by these guys hitting continuously on the waitress. Over and over, the same boys being boys repeat a too familiar scene: men feeling the right, seizing the opportunity to make something that makes them proud, flirting with the waitress every time she comes around to drop a menu, to bring some beers or simply, to be asked to come, for the boys’ enjoyment.
According to US Labor Statistics, waiters and waitresses held about 2.4 million jobs in May 2013. Unfortunately, the statistics are not disaggregated by gender, which makes it difficult to estimate how many women work as waitresses. In the US Labor occupational outlook handbook their work is described as: “on their feet most of the time and often carry heavy trays of food, dishes, and drinks…the work can be hectic and fast paced, they are under pressure to serve customers quickly and efficiently.” Additionally, most of them rely on customer satisfaction to make their living, as tips are a fundamental part of their income.
So basically waitresses deal with demanding physical work, stress and poor payment. In addition to this, they also have to deal with men hitting on them. From my experience, it has nothing to do with socioeconomic privileges; it has everything to do with the privileges of being a man. I see it at the table in front of me at the upper class restaurant where white male college students flirt with an uneasy young waitresses. I have seen it also in the migrant spot near my house where men gather to drink Corona watch fútbol, and hit on the waitresses.
Building new gender relationships and embracing new masculinities is a constant struggle to defy cultural norms that seem natural and privileges that create and deepen inequality. Reflection on what kind of man each of us wants to be should not be a privilege, it should be a duty, so we can be boys being boys, but respecting women.
—modified photo Justin Taylor / Flickr Creative Commons
Its interesting to speak of male priviledge as though this is afforded men in particular. I do not dispute your arguments Sebstian, I agree and then to some extend want to point out that there are several issues that can be tabled in particular to the industry itself. Firstly, the entry point is that women who are in this industry are in fact chosen for their “looks” to work in the hospitality industry as it were to wait on clients. It starts fro there and the rest of what happens is history by virtue of having taken the job it… Read more »
Can we please retire the phrase “Check Your Privilege?” It is just a slogan that requires no actual thought and is meant to shut down real debate. Just like “Mission Accomplished” or “Yes We Can” it is a mantra for the unthinking.
A part of the system of male privilege (and any type of privilege) is that one doesn’t have to look at the position one holds in society in regards to other individual’s positions and the dynamic that allows this sort of behavior to continue. I think the phrase “check your privilege” should be retired when women no longer have to contend with the behaviors of male privilege.
Another good reason not to go out to eat. Especially to “sit down” restaurants.
“From my experience, it has nothing to do with socioeconomic privileges ” If you only go with your experience, I guess it will always come down on being male. I had a female friend admit that she spent a half hour pretending to shop for a pair of shoes because she thought the salesman was cute. He probably worked on commission (she exploited that for attention) and she didn’t buy anything because she didn’t want anything. Maybe women don’t hit on waitstaff for the same reason they don’t hit on men in bars because they’re waiting fir the men to… Read more »
So what gender gets better tips I wonder.