My world is quiet. It’s early morning. The homes opposite me are blanketed in snow. I am homebound here in Colorado. Homebound, probably just like you.
Who’d have ever thought it would all come to this?
Sure, maybe years ago you made it through Y2k unscathed like me, with a few extra propane tanks in your garage.
But now. Now what will be?
How will you pay your rent or mortgage?
Do you still have a job?
How far will $1,200 from the government get you?
Should you get ready to declare bankruptcy?
These are the questions many of us have. I have similar ones.
During the early part of this past week, I paid 30+ employees in my other business. Get people cash asap was all I could think. Take care of them. They need money now.
I’d laid them off hours ago. Excuse me, they were furloughed. Put on temporary leave of absence. And yet temporary foreshadows a sense of the future. A future, which is still unknown.
Sure, I imagine this whole thing will blow over in a few months, likely more. And yet, will I have any revenue to rehire anyone? My head spins. I can’t say. I can only think about it so much, without sending myself into anxiety.
I don’t know the future. No one does.
I reach for my phone foolishly, unconsciously for the first time since waking up. I seek to soothe my fears. I get conscious to what I’m doing.
I pause and ask myself, is this really what I need right now?
I explore further, see a New York Times headlines about coronavirus and government action.
Not thinking, I put the phone down. But other thoughts continue.
– How will I get through this?
– Will my savings last?
– Do I keep my business open?
– Do I call a bankruptcy lawyer?
– How much do I owe the banks?
– Will they come after everything I have?
I realize then what I need to do. And then I do it.
I stand in my kitchen in front of the patio windows, looking out at the landscape and do this esoteric Qigong practice I recently learned.
I reach with my hands for earth and sky, bringing those energies to my chest. Then reflect on breath, posture, and mind. And then I empty the cup of the past and the future. I commit to present-mindedness.
I do the whole practice, which includes all kinds of strange, thousands year old eastern practices.
Anointing the dragon of consciousness.
Sculpting the ball of no-thingness.
I do it, moving and meditating, like a slow, steady, and clear warrior. Even while fearful thoughts come.
I continue, my thoughts diminish in charge. They become more clear, more insightful. Fewer, better, more nourishing thoughts.
It is clear to me I am cultivating a state of mental acuity, a paradoxical state of better preparedness through less fear.
I am making friends with fear. It stands beside me, beneath me, no longer coming at me from above.
And I have done what I needed to do.
Trust my body.
Listen to a deeper guide within.
I have that ability. Some do not. It’s what I teach – how to listen to the deeper knowing within; how to not self-betray; how to live in self-mastery.
During this time, we must stay connected to wise, calm voices. It will help us make better decisions — financial, business, relational — for how to get through this unprecedented time.
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com