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I hate to admit it, but I’m in charge of my own actions regardless of what life or people throw my way. Wouldn’t it just be easier to blame something or someone for how I react to challenging or unfair circumstances? I know that seems par for the course nowadays. People are quick to blame their responses on situations out of their control. I know that I’ve been guilty of this.
Times when I’ve said or done things in response to a perceived slight or insult where I could’ve have chosen the “high road” but didn’t.
Honestly, when I think about the amount of power, I have over my own attitude in response to a situation that I find difficult, it’s overwhelming. If I have total power over my attitude in reacting to a negative situation or person, then, that means I have no one to blame for my negative mindset, words, or actions.
Our humanity is such, that we like to point the figure at others while ensuring that we are not culpable for any negative repercussions. If I can’t place the blame of my attitude on an outside entity, that means I need to be responsible for my own feelings, thoughts, and actions.
That’s a lot to process.
We’re so used to pointing the finger at others, that we forget the four fingers pointing back at us.
Taking responsibility for your own actions used to be a practice that our parents taught us. I’m not sure if that’s being done nowadays.
As someone who has been married for almost 14 years, it’s quite easy to blame my spouse for my responses to negative situations. In fact, I’ve done it with my attitude more times than I’d like to admit.
This weakness inside of me has caused a lot of marital disharmonies.
Perhaps, this is one reason why so many marriages end in divorce. We don’t hold ourselves accountable for our own attitudes. Yet, we feel perfectly okay with placing the blame or our dissatisfaction on our spouse’s shortcomings. We knit pick them about how they “make us feel”, when in reality, we are able to take those feelings and alter them with the appropriate attitude and mindset.
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This sounds so easy to do, but it takes work. I mean, it really takes a lot of work. I’m reaching a place where I’m realizing that I am solely responsible for how I feel and my reactions to those feelings, which is based on my own thoughts and attitudes about certain circumstances.
In essence, there needs to be a change within if we are going to get it right and take control of our thoughts and emotions.
Some thoughts to consider when addressing our thoughts and attitudes (by author, Dr. Gary Chapman):
– I am responsible for my own attitude.
– My attitude affects my actions.
– I cannot change others, but I can influence others.
– My emotions do not control my actions.
– Admitting my imperfections does not mean that I’m a failure.
– Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.
Owning up to my own thoughts and responses to challenging and hurtful circumstances is creating in me a new level of maturity and helping in my interactions with others. It also helps keep in mind that there are always four fingers pointing back at me and that I’m accountable for myself.
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Zachery Román is a writer who musings on fatherhood in the context of strength, honor and courage through faith can be found at Fatherly.com and The Good Men Project.
Times when I’ve said or done things in response to a perceived slight or insult where I could’ve have chosen the “high road” but didn’t.
