Two of the Sexiest Men Alive, Actor and Director Michael B. Jordan and Cookie Monster, discussed their favorite cookies on Sesame Street. Well, one of the two is a Monster, although ruggedly handsome.
The singularly focused furry blue Cookie Monster devoured all the chocolate chip, oatmeal, and peanut butter cookies, before Michael was able to try one. Cookie Monster asked Michael what was his favorite cookie? Exasperated Michael said, “But I didn’t…”
Cookie Monster said, “Well, I guess we never know Michael’s favorite cookie. Thank you and bah bye. Oh, wait a minute. Michael, me got this for you.”
Cookie Monster handed a chocolate chip cookie to Michael. Cookie Monster said, “Me love you.”
Michael hugged Cookie Monster. He said, “I love you, too.”
Cookie Monster nodded, “Oh yeah!”
Before Michael can take a bite of his cookie, Cookie Monster asked, “You gonna eat that cookie?”
Hysterical. Still, Cookie Monster had respect for Michael. He saved his favorite chocolate chip cookie for him. Cookie Monster clearly loved Michael, too. His love for Michael is meaningful, because he gives Michael respect.
In Aikido practice, I bow to my partner before we practice the Aikido technique. Ishibashi Sensei emphasized that we both give a full bow. I don’t look at my partner as I bow my head. That is disrespect. I look at my partner. Then I bow my head all the way down out of respect for my partner. Then we train.
When we bow, Sensei said that I bow to my partner as the expert. They are the expert in the Aikido technique with or without the bokuto (wooden sword). The same applies for the partner who bows to me. I give my respect and bow my head down. My partner deserves my respect.
I’ve trained in Aikido for over 35 years. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt). I bow to my partner, who is a white belt. They are the expert. I give my respect. In training, I might be more expert than my partner. Regardless, I give respect. We are the same. Just train.
The late Mizukami Sensei, who taught both Ishibashi Sensei and me, said, “Just train.” Mizukami Sensei was the humblest man I knew on Planet Earth. Just train was his continual lesson of humility and respect. I’m humble, because I can always be better. I always have something to refine, improve, and give up to be the greater-than version of myself. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do.
Paradoxically in working on myself, I show respect to others and help them invent their greater-than versions, too. They still have to put their heads down. They have to work on themselves, too.
Mizukami Sensei was a father to me. He taught me what it is to be a good man: Be of service to others and make a difference. I loved Sensei. I respected Sensei first. He loved and respected me back. I believe that love is meaningful when respect is the foundation. Really, I’m just some guy saying. Who knows?
A friend used me until she could find someone meaningful, she could love. She might have loved me, but had no respect for me. I was not meaningful. At least from where I stood, the no respect occurred as an attack. No, it wasn’t as threatening as the 250-pound man punching to my face. Really. Kobayashi Sensei said, “Whoever attacks you is asking for your help.”
We all want to fall madly and deeply in love with someone, who will love us the same way back. To make the journey and not fall madly and deeply in love, that might not be a life at all. Still, we have to try. If we haven’t tried, we haven’t lived.
I bow and give respect whether or not respect is present. The other, my partner, is the expert. They know themselves, know what they want. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I have a say in what goes on inside me. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. I do my best to help.
In the bigger picture, I can’t be the arrogant asshole who decides who gets my respect and who doesn’t. I give respect to everyone. When they accept my respect that becomes the foundation for love. Respect creates possibilities.
Like Cookie Monster, me love and respect everyone. Well, at least me try. Amen.
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Photo by sheri silver on Unsplash