In Aikido, Cognard Hanshi struck his bokuto (wooden sword) as I raised my bokuto above my head. I cut with my right hand cross his neck as I profiled and let his bokuto pass me.
Hanshi said, “Look at the one who killed you.”
I thought, “He’s real.” Hanshi is samurai.
I train to die with honor so that I live with honor. What Hanshi taught me.
Hanshi said, “You train not to kill.”
I train not to kill. I train not to harm others. Train to have compassion. I train to give a choice.
The late Kobayashi Sensei said, “When someone attacks you, they are asking for your help.” Their attack is not about me. It’s about the attacker, about them. I heal the space between me and them. There is no fight. There never has to be one.
O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. Not me against them. I’m my greatest opponent, my greatest enemy. I overcome myself, not others, not them.
Not all compassion is created equal. I can have compassion when I’m on the ground with the sword pointed at my head. I can have compassion standing above and holding the sword. There’s a profound difference. When I’m on the ground, I have no choice. When I hold the sword, I have a choice. I give a choice. I don’t kill. That’s powerful. That is meaningful.
In Aikido, I wait out the attack. I enter the attack, enter what I fear, and die with honor. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.
Under the attack, in the danger, I make my distance, hold my position. I make my timing. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Let go my fear of Dad as little boy. I work on myself, not on the attacker, not on them. I take the position, so that I don’t kill. I give the attacker a choice. We both choose what we do, who we are going to be. Find truth.
In the danger, I’m quiet inside. I have compassion. I connect my center to the attacker’s center. We are one. Awase. We’re the same. I heal the space between us. The attacker asks for help. I help them heal. That’s the purpose. That’s the training. There is no fight. There never has to be one.
Although I have nothing to do with what goes on inside the attacker, I have compassion for what it’s like to be them. We’re all imperfectly human. Sometimes, we all need help.
I enter what I fear, enter the attack, enter the danger. I hold my position. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, my fear inside grows less and less. I free myself more and more. I have compassion for others regardless of circumstance, regardless of who they are, what they do.
In the ancient proverb, “Live by the sword, die by sword.” In the end, violence begets more violence. Instead, “Give life by the sword.” There is no fight. It’s only and always me against me. I let go my fear inside me that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. I have compassion. I heal the space between. Give life. That’s meaningful compassion.
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Photo by Krys Amon on Unsplash
