This is a piece about mature men. There are a lot of men who although chronologically young, fit that description. And there are an even greater number of older men who despite their age, are immature.
Many of us who were raised by parents of “The Greatest Generation” were taught from an early age that we are valued by what we achieve. That it’s not who we are, but what we have accomplished that matters most. Those accomplishments will have tangible results. We were taught to find a woman, create a beautiful family, build an empire, and leave a legacy. After all, this was the generation that endured the Great Depression and fought in World War II. They then experienced the greatest economic growth the middle class of any country had ever seen in history, so could you really blame them for this set of values?
Recently I passed a milestone in my age where I am now officially closer to 70 than to 60. I’ve been through the bouts of depression that comes with a body that cannot keep up with what I once did, with a mind that works slower than it used to, and a short-term memory that is, well, just a memory! it’s no secret that after the age of 60, men in this country suffer the highest incidences of depression and suicide of any demographic group. The loss of physical ability and shrinking productivity, combined with an increase of daily aches and pains (what to speak of debilitating chronic pain) and more frequent illnesses, are simply more than many men can bear. When I focus on those things, especially the increasing difficulty of carrying out what used to be routine tasks, it is all too easy to become depressed. But in order to indulge myself in depression, I must forget the deeper truth.
This is what so many men of advancing age unconsciously struggle with. After spending a lifetime of equating their own value with what they have done, instead of who they are, they feel unfulfilled and “less than” when that power wanes. especially when they compare themselves to their peers, what to speak of their idols! Thus, they rarely measure up, and with dwindling strength and physical vitality, their productivity slows to a stop. At this point we must consider what Wayne Dyer famously said: “We are human beings, not human doings.” If I only have value when I am doing, then when I stop, I don’t?
In 2015 I participated in a men’s training called the Inner King workshop. It was four days of intense work and play designed, as its name implies, to help us ease into our eldership as well as claiming and owning our Sovereign Masculine. Unlike the New Warrior Training Adventure I participated in many years earlier, which helps men identify and move through their shadows to claim their power, the emphasis of Inner King was on gracefully moving from a state of “doing” into a state of “being.” A warrior acts with great power and unflinching integrity on behalf of a benevolent king, and thus does many great and mighty things. Then, at a certain age the warrior must be ready to put down his sword and use his hard-won experience to educate and inspire the young warriors coming through the ranks. He now uses his sword to bless these younger men. As King, his duty is to use all his acquired tools in order to bless the entire Kingdom, as well as himself.
He cannot do any of this without embracing his own death. Moving from doing to being is a form of death. This doesn’t mean he wants to die, but that he fully understands that death can come at any time, and therefore chooses to use death as his primary motivating force to live fully in his life-mission. When a man understands his intrinsic power as a man, and that that power, while temporary, emanates from the source of all power, he learns how to gracefully move beyond the physical world of doing and into the metaphysical world of being, a place where all love and blessing are born. Once there, not only does he get to bask in it, but he can then share that love and blessing freely with all.
In Native American cultures, the elders, or grandfathers are revered for their senior position. They are the considered to be the holders of spirit and provide the spiritual perspective while sitting circle in the tipi with the chiefs and the senior warriors. It is their counsel that is sought as they guide and bless the tribe with the wisdom of their position so near the Creator.
Likewise, in the Vedic culture of ancient India, men after the age of 60 are encouraged to take the renounced position of sannyasa. It is a time when they conclude their worldly responsibilities and family affairs and focus exclusively on spiritual studies, culminating simply traveling as mendicants, living off the charity of others, and teaching the public their spiritual message. Unlike in the west, where our elders are frequently placed in nursing homes to be forgotten by society, these penniless beggars are amongst the most revered in society. People seek them out, eagerly invite them into their homes, and consider themselves deeply blessed to feed them and touch their feet in reverence!
As you can see, it is only in the materialistic cultures where our seniors are discarded as unproductive members of society. To the extent we buy into that value system, we will suffer more and more as we age. It is time for us to embrace the wisdom of the ages and realize that at the time in our lives when we are approaching the finish line, even though our bodies are slowing down and aching, we have an opportunity to become more valuable than ever before.
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Wonderful article! Much compassion and insight here. I wish our American culture understood this better.
Thank you, Patricia! Blessings!