Men: I Have Great News About Confidence!

In an article I published here on Medium a few weeks ago (linked below), I admitted that I can’t imagine a kind of masculine energy that women find seductive that doesn’t involve confidence.

How the Music of the 80s Helped Me Find My Masculine Mojo
The Sexiness of Empathy
medium.com

For those of you who find it oppressive how men are expected to be confident, I know that’s not music to your ears, and I’m sorry about that. But I promised you great news, and I intend to deliver.

In another article (linked below), I wrote about how I’m not afraid of beautiful women, because of something I know about myself:

I know that no matter how gorgeous a woman is, no matter how stunning or breathtaking I find her, if she were to get naked with me, I would make it a beautiful experience for her.

Some Excellent Advice for Men on How to Approach Women
And how to put it into practice
medium.com

Now, how do I have the confidence to say that? I can sum it up in one word:

Empathy

Think about that for a moment. When’s the last time you heard someone talk about empathy as being a masculine trait? I’ll take a wild guess and say the 12th of Never. I, for one, grew up in a world where empathy in a boy was seen by other boys (and even some girls) as a sign of weakness. But I’ve gone and done the (seemingly) impossible: I’ve made empathy a strength of mine. It fuels my mojo, my sense of masculinity that gives me the confidence to say what I said above about making sex a beautiful experience for a woman.

So what does empathy-based mojo look like? I won’t get into the highly explicit, sensual and erotic details here. For those, I recommend you start with this piece:

I’m a Horny Man and I Love Pussy!
But that’s not the whole story
medium.com

But let me share with you a few concrete examples of what I mean by empathy:

I know — not just in my head, but in my heart — that a woman’s body belongs to her and is there for her pleasure, not mine or anyone else’s. So when a woman happens to be showing off her cleavage, sure I notice (even other women notice!), but I think to myself, “Nice body. I hope she’s enjoying it”. And then mentally, I move on. (That doesn’t mean I won’t talk to her; it means that if I do talk to her, I do so without losing sight of the fact that she’s a fellow human being, worthy of being treated with no less dignity than I want to be treated with.)
I know that I have a fascination with women’s breasts and pussies. I don’t pretend not to. But I don’t feel the need to pretend, and here’s why: The whole world is obsessed with women’s breasts and pussies — in ways that often make women feel ashamed of and alienated from those parts of their bodies. So when a woman is sharing her body with me, I funnel my horniness for her breasts and pussy into honoring and showing genuine reverence for those wondrous and alluring parts of her body, and making her feel that those are a beautiful and sacred part of her, and that she deserves to enjoy all the exquisite pleasure they can give her. In short, I pour energy into making her feel proud of and connected to her breasts and pussy.
When a woman is sharing her body with me, I tell her with my eyes, “I see you. Not just your beautiful body, but your beautiful soul as well. I’m celebrating your body as a way to celebrate you.”

Now, if you’re still wondering what the great news is that I promised, here it is. A lot of men who have good intentions towards women end up getting in their own way. They’re so determined not to be one of those jerks who make women not trust men, that they don’t dare embrace their sexual fire. Hence, they have no mojo. But the female libido craves that sexual fire in men. This is a major factor in the perception that women prefer jerks. Jerks have the advantage of not feeling conflicted about their sexual fire. So the solution for honorable men is to embrace their sexual fire while staying true to themselves. And that’s totally doable. I’ll let you in on a secret: as a man, your sexual fire has healing powers.

The Healing Power of Benevolently Charged Lust
Photo by mehdi zegna on Unsplash
medium.com

When you realize this, it’s a game changer. When a woman is welcoming you inside her, you won’t be afraid to go deep and hard, because you’ll know you can do so without disrespecting or dehumanizing her. And when you have that level of belief in the goodness of your passion and desire, and in your ability to treat women honorably while ablaze in your sexual fire, you’ll know you truly have something of value to offer a woman. And that’s what holds so many men back from even approaching women: they don’t believe in their heart that they have anything of sufficient value to offer.

So that’s the great news: good guys can have mojo without being jerks. That confidence doesn’t have to be based on your looks. It doesn’t have to be based on anything performative. It can be based on empathy — a quality that’s more accessible to honorable men than to jerks.

You’re more powerful and valuable than you realize.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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