Dating is not easy. It is a tricky dance with many unwritten rules and an ever-changing protocol. Yet, if there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, it’s the fact that women like it when the man is smoooth. Smooth like when you stealthily incorporate a double entendre into the conversation to make the point you’re into her and have a quick laugh, or when you order a bottle of wine, expertly yet without pretention, or when you deftly grab the bill and offer to pay before she can even pull out her wallet.
Paying the bill on the first date is an opportune moment to show her you’ve got moves.
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My suggestion—always—is the man pays—or at least offers to—on the first date.
This isn’t because women make less money than men (though they do—a 2016 report in China Daily Asia says that in Hong Kong, there’s a 15% gender wage gap and in Singapore, it’s 30%) or because women are prima donnas who expect to be taken care of (though some are and I would suggest you not date them).
The reason why is because women go weak in the knees for a man who is smooth.
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Here’s the deal…it’s the 21st century and you don’t have to be taller than her or make more money than her or catch a bear with your bare hands for her, but you still need to be able to handle certain situations. Paying the bill on the first date is an opportune moment to show her you’ve got moves.
Many of the women in my database are natural-born leaders but when I look at the feedback I’ve received in their profile session, many tell me they want a man who has confidence, swagger and can take the lead during the date. (The more alpha a woman is the more important it is you can take control of situations.)
Obviously, another reason to pay that first bill is to signal you “like like” her. Splitting the bill is something friends who like each other do. You’re on a date; so keep the situation romantic and don’t go platonic.
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Some of you are going to make less money than your date—which is totally cool—and some of you don’t want to splurge on the first date—which is a smart move. In these cases, when you are making arrangements for your date, suggest something that is within your means. Go for a walk and grab an ice cream. Or pack a picnic. You don’t need to organize a lavish feast for your first time out.
You’re on a date; so keep the situation romantic and don’t go platonic.
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You may worry that by paying for the first date, you will set a precedent and she will forever expect you to pay. That won’t happen. Each date (and all the texting and calling in between) will give you a chance to share with her what your thoughts are on outings and what your financial situation allows you to do. She’ll be receptive and respectful to your situation.
However, make a note: If she does not thank you after you’ve paid for something, isn’t generous with her finances, attention or energy, or disregards your financial situation, you know you’re dealing with someone who will take you and your financial resources for granted; it’s probably best for you to (smoothly) move on.
First published in Maitre D’ate
Photo: Wikimedia/Alex Proimos
“Some women go weak in the knees for a man who is smooth.”
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No, they really don’t.
Any person with a brain in his/her head doesn’t let himself/herself “go weak in the knees” for anyone on a first date, unless they’re looking for a hook-up that night.
You may worry that by paying for the first date, you will set a precedent and she will forever expect you to pay. That won’t happen. Each date (and all the texting and calling in between) will give you a chance to share with her what your thoughts are on outings and what your financial situation allows you to do. She’ll be receptive and respectful to your situation. However, make a note: If she does not thank you after you’ve paid for something, isn’t generous with her finances, attention or energy, or disregards your financial situation, you know you’re dealing… Read more »
Hi Danny, thanks for the comment. On the first date both parties are judging each other based on their own set of criteria. One of the things a woman will look for in a guy is how he handles himself.
Yes I understand that both people will judge each other on their own criteria. But in the section I quoted it seems that you want men to put themselves out there so that women can safely judge from a distance.
Is this the 21st century? Empowered women should be embarrassed by articles like this. A man still needs to show provider abilities to be seen as smooth?
Hi Trey, thanks for the comment. No, he doesn’t have to show her provider abilities. Let’s pretend the date is a walk around the park and no money is spent and they have a good time. That’s wonderful. But, the woman will still want him to take the lead on most decisions (e.g. when, where, what they do). It’s not about the $$, it’s about his ability to lead. I hope that answers your question. xo
Wow, I’m surprised to see this at a feminist site. Being and old traditional guy, I would say yes to his paying but as a compromise, I’m with Larissa, share the bill. But then again the more I think about it, perhaps it should fall on the person who initiated the date?
Hi Tom,
You (we) should have learned by now that feminism is more about arguing for privileged people to have their cake and eat it, too, and less about true gender equality. (It’s even spelled out right in front of us here, that the more of a leader the woman is herself, the more in charge and “alpha” she requires her man to be.)
As a side note, I agree with you that, mostly, the person who initiates the date should pay for it.
Hi Kal, question for you — do you know many women who initiate dates with men? In Hong Kong that rarely happens (with both locals and expats).
Hi Tom, thank you for your comment. If a woman would rather split the bill she can definitely say so. I think that’s the right thing to do if there’s obviously no chemistry. Regardless I think it’s the man should be the one to initiate the date, choose the location (and make the reservation if needed), and offer to take care of the bill.
May I disagree! Maybe it was right years ago, but now I am not comfortable if my first date offers to pay. I think splitting is fair enough!
Hi Larissa, thank you for the comment. You’re more than welcome to offer to split the bill, especially if there’s no chemistry.