According to heteronormative society, men are not talkers, and our culture expects them to be the “strong silent type.” The societal stereotype is that men are abusers and women are the abused; however, men can experience abuse just as much as women do. In this article, we’re going to talk about a specific form of abuse called stonewalling. Stonewalling is when a person deliberately ignores someone to deny what is happening in the relationship. It’s time to break down gender stereotypes and talk about the fact that stonewalling can happen to anybody.
Only men stonewall
When you imagine a stereotypical male that society tells us is the epitome of masculinity, you might envision a man who doesn’t talk much. His manhood is contingent upon acting rather than speaking. You know this characterization of men isn’t true, but it’s a stereotype that we need to fight. Many men are emotional and love to talk about feelings with their partners. Some men engage in stonewalling, causing their partner to feel invalidated or ignored, but it’s not just men who do this. The reality is that anybody can engage in stonewalling.
What is stonewalling?
Stonewalling is when a person intentionally disregards someone in front of them who is expressing genuine feelings. There are many ways that a person can engage in this behavior. One way is to stay silent completely. Their loved one is emoting, and they’re not saying anything because they want to control the situation rather than deal with it; this makes the abused individual feel crazy and possibly defeated.
There other ways that people stonewall such as changing the subject entirely and making a person feel like their emotions are invalid. Remember that if you are a victim of stonewalling, your feelings are valid and your abuser is trying to make you feel like they aren’t. Now, let’s dive deeper into the gender stereotypes associated with stonewalling.
Women are emotional
Society views women as emotional and sometimes downright histrionic. That isn’t the case because both genders have the potential to be emotionally aware. Unfortunately, women are called overwhelming, and our society views them as “too much.” When you imagine stonewalling, you might envision a woman lashing out or crying, trying to get her partner to see that her emotions are real. It’s tragic that women get chastised for feeling anything at all. The other component of this gender stereotype is that women can stonewall, too.
Anyone can stonewall
Anybody can engage in stonewalling behavior, regardless of your gender. As human beings, we all have the potential for denial. Some of us don’t want to believe that we are contributing to an abusive dynamic. Many people want to deny that their relationship isn’t working or that they’re causing their partner emotional pain. That’s one of the reasons for stonewalling. The abuse wants to maintain control and does this by avoiding confrontation and seeing their partner’s emotions. Their behavior, though it may seem passive, is harmful to their partner. Even though stonewalling may not seem like abuse, it is.
Your feelings are real
One of the frustrating aspects of stonewalling is that the victim feels as if their emotions are invalid. It’s essential to remember that however, your feelings are real. If you suspect that your loved one is stonewalling, you deserve to get help. Therapy is one place where you can talk about your feelings. Your partner might be engaging in abusive behavior, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate abuse. It’s crucial to reach out for help even if you’re scared. Think about it this way, you care about your mental health, and you want to learn how to have constructive dialogues rather than being ignored. Whether you’re working with an online therapist or someone in your neighborhood, you have the right to get well, and you don’t need to suffer from abuse.
This is a featured post by site sponsor Better Help.
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