A 45-year old singer from Goa—let’s call him Sebastian Braganza—recently found himself in the soup after a lover’s tiff snowballed into a massive fight when he swore in the middle of it.
“I know it can offend some people, but my girlfriend isn’t a stranger to me!” he says. Braganza argues that his partner knows him too well to think that he means any of it. “I apologized later but I do not understand why it freaks her out.” His girlfriend—who declines to be named—tells me that swear words sound offensive to her as she didn’t grow up hearing them.
“It’s also the timing and the tone,” she says. “I know he uses them often but I can’t bear to hear them in the middle of a fight. And it isn’t okay for him to throw them at me.”
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Many of us swear in pain, fear or joy. And we swear in most languages, nations and cultures. But how and when we use a swear word can make a world of difference to those at the receiving end of it.
As someone who grew up hearing about mothers in labor flinging expletives at doctors while their bewildered husbands stood outside the labor room, I am not too surprised at studies that hint at swear words being akin to painkillers. My home state of Kerala also sees an annual festival where devotees hurl abuses at Mother Kali—the dark Goddess—who is believed to revel in foul language. Believers say that the tradition springs from Kali being a wild deity or a deviant divinity. But as with most customs and rituals, one can’t say for sure how or why profanity became part of a temple festival. Could it be that someone recognized the need for people to let out suppressed anger or pain?
The quirkiness of India—where casual swearing isn’t acceptable—lies in its attitude of disowning in real life all that’s considered acceptable in religiosity.
All India Bakchod or AIB—an Indian adult comedy group—recently faced flak from traditionalists for using foul language on one of their shows. Legal action was initiated against them though we aren’t clear about the proceedings yet. Swearing—like aggression—is sometimes linked to manliness too and a clear bias can be seen in male-dominated societies where people are more forgiving of men who swear. “I sometimes use bad language when I am emotional, and am often told that good girls do not swear,” says Seema P, a 40-year old friend from Mumbai. “It’s as if only men can swear,” she adds.
The earliest recorded uses of these words date from 1000 years ago
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What is it about lewd language that makes it so addictive?
Psychologist and writer Richard Stephens (Independent, 2015), tells us that the earliest recorded uses of these words date from 1000 years ago. He reveals how his wife swore during labor only to be apologetic about it as each contraction passed. A midwife later explained to him that “swearing is a completely normal and routine part of the process of giving birth”, thus normalizing the use of expletives. In a 2011 story in The Telegraph, Stephens says that research indicates swearing is a useful form of language; it helps us deal with high-pressure situations. However, he warns that swear words must be used in moderation as overuse could dilute their effect.
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Regardless of why or when they are uttered, swear words remain taboo in many cultures. Accidental swearing has resulted in embarrassments very often, and parents with young children realize pretty soon that role models can’t swear. A friend from college—all of 40 and married with a toddler—says that she “swears like crazy” but her husband doesn’t. “I keep telling myself I shouldn’t but I lose control in the heat of the moment,” she says, adding that it makes her feel small and cheap later.
Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.
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Words have the power to beautify emotion, create revolutions and build bridges that unite human beings. They can also drive a wedge between lovers, shatter fragile friendships and leave scars that seldom fade. There are many who learn and grow with such scars, claiming for themselves secure relationships that stand on forgiveness and love.
Not all get lucky though, as many have perished under the weight of words that are often hurled without a care. As Canadian writer Robin Sharma says:
Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.
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Sketch: Author
Interesting, and as per usual, I’m the odd man out.
Six years a Marine, a bunch of others doing design work and construction, working with roughnecks and hardhats, swearing has lost its meaning beyond a colorful metaphor.
Oddly enough, in conflict I don’t swear. I’m not a very emotional man so losing control does not really happen. if I hurt myself? Yes, I’ll curse, but I also curb that in general discussion because It is vulgar and a poor way to represent one’s self.
On the job? Colorful metaphor.
It is a compromise – swearing can ‘act as a painkiller’, but it can also offend others. We need to judge carefully when and if to use it.
that’s right, mick. but what if one isn’t in a position to judge…lol…like mothers in labor… 🙂 tnx.
I’m sure that under circumstances like those, no one is going to come along and say ‘tsk, tsk, mind your language!’