I watched Netflix’s Ultimatum dating reality show.
A woman on the show said she knew her man was the one after they went on vacation together. The whole time he let her run the trip.
She made every decision, and her boyfriend went along with it. But a relationship isn’t perfect because a man is a simp.
I’ve learned it is good to take turns leading and being vulnerable in relationships. It’s not fair for one party to be in the shadow of the other all the time. It will cause problems later in the union.
Are you tired of being the “yes man” in the relationship? I hope reading about these gentle tactics helps your compromise talks benefit you.
. . .
1. Apply this benefit of long-distance relationships.
I’ll admit it. In the honeymoon period, you will want to be around your partner all the time. Who needs personal space anymore? Not me.
When you have your first fight or time apart, you wonder if the spark is gone. Are you a boring couple now? I too need reassurance the fire is still there. Let me, tell you it is there.
This distance is an opportunity to remember who you were before you had another half. A chance to remember what you enjoyed solo while single. Doing activities as individuals can make both parties happy.
But what if you want to do everything as a couple? When opposites attract, spending time together means more compromise. I realize some people will never step outside their comfort zone without encouragement. So, ask.
What can you do?
- Recommend doing a new activity, which is one you love. Your partner could agree to the idea because they like seeing how much you enjoy yourself.
- If you’re not comfortable asking, make a suggestion. Or hijack the night’s plans and frame it as a surprise.
. . .
2. Do the one thing you’ve been avoiding
It’s okay and necessary for you to object to your partner’s plans.
Saying no paves, the way for establishing your boundaries. Share what you prefer to do with your time. Suggest that your partner run plans by you rather than set expectations.
I know. It feels so much easier to avoid the fight.
But when the fight happens much later, it will be a challenge for her to see your side. Your partner will wonder why the sudden change. You were always okay with giving in. Now, you don’t want to anymore — do you love her less? That is a question she will want to ask you.
You want to love your partner, not resent them. Your partner can decline sexual favors. And you also should be able to refuse to be the yes man without any repercussions.
What can you do?
To have the idea go over with less friction, suggest a roster to rotate turns.
. . .
3. Realize the hard truth
Can you live like this for the rest of your life?
If your partner can declare they love you because you let them lead in all things, they won’t change. They expect things to remain this way.
So, when I meet someone who makes the relationship all about them, I walk away. I am not prepared to be a supporting cast member.
It is a dream to expect someone to change without therapy. Or years of emotional maturing first.
What can you do?
Accept that this is not the life you want to live. Communicate your feelings and see if the person will make strides to improve. If not, learn again to embrace the free will you have when single.
Thank you for reading this post!
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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