I was actually enjoying listening to these one-sided soliloquies.
01 of 16 Prelude: 1m19s
02 of 16 These Cast: 1m59s
03 of 16 Generations and Dating: 7m48s
04 of 16 Turtle Pace — A [positive] Switch Flipped 6-month-in: 1m51s
05 of 16 Triggers Being in Home City: 6m33s
06 of 16 Projecting out to a Future That May not Come: 1m44s
07 of 16 Age, Aging, and Health: 2m20s
08 of 16 Grief and Loss: 1m17s
09 of 16 Culture and Class: 2m6s
10 of 16 Social Life & Intimacy: 3m13s
*see Essay 8: Making Peace with Those Meta-Women, for a list of voice notes 11 thru 16 (coming 03.19.22)
…
They were really insightful and really useful. However, two things come to me. First, it comes off as a lot of head trying to understand a lot of heart.
It’s not even a judgment because those voice notes were for your sense-making. Do you know how you can’t help but notice something? So it was more in that for me, not to make it bad or wrong.
But dude, the other thing that I couldn’t unnoticed was the amount of deference and the allowance that you make for Tema, in your imagination.
I guess what I’m trying to say is one could presumably say your voice notes could just be a dog on rant session! You could just be calling her out of her name. Not so much because you felt that way, but just to get the anger out, to get the emotion out.
Do you hear what I’m trying to say?
But, even in those soliloquies, you still seem to be on her side, looking at everything from her perspective. So, it came to me in two ways.
First, “Oh, my God! The mismatch of maturity here is as big as the Grand Canyon! Because you were damn near being selfless while she was in complete self-preservation mode. So, I thought to myself, how could this work and be mutual and reciprocal!?!
Because in any relationship, that’s the truth! It is both the individuals, but it’s actually the space between us.
Again, it’s not a judgment. It just was like, “Whoa!”
Second, I was saying to myself, “You are a chronic nice guy!” Then, I thought, “Oh, my God! You are so sweet!”
Knowing you for the better part of a decade, I didn’t realize how gracious you were.
…
Essay 4 of 18: Saying I Love You, During Sex… (coming — e-Book only 5.11.22)
Essay 5 of 18: Both the Agent & Vicitm of Your Own Distress… (coming — 03.09.22)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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