Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel instead of the darkness that surrounds you.
What happens when you reach the end of the tunnel and you find the light?
For a person who’s been in the darkness for too long will find it hard to adjust upon the arrival of light. Because like the tunnel life doesn’t end, just yet.
Like light, you are told to wait for the perfect someone in your life. And when you do, it will make complete sense as to why it never worked out with anyone else.
Finding the right one — the soulmate is more highlighted than being the right one.
Just like going through samples until you find the perfect pair of shoes or handbags, we keep swiping left until we find the right one.
Whilst our surrounding has generalized the importance of monogamy, my concern is monotony.
Since when did playing hard to get before dating to hardly being an active participant during relationships; and separating because we weren’t vibing become common.
Why does gaining someone’s attention always seem more fun than maintaining the relationship?
Getting into one is like buying new furniture. Initially, we spend way too much time figuring out if it is the right piece; the excitement is beyond imagination when seen for the first time. Taking good care of it for the first few weeks, then publicizing it until it fills your heart and drains the soul. Within a matter of months, it turns into yet another invisible taken-for-granted item in your lives.
* * *
Now that you have reached the end of the tunnel and found your light: the soulmate, what next.
Theoretically, you got your happily ever after.
Practically, you unlocked a new level.
Congratulations, now you have two lives to look after. Otherwise, game over.
Finding a professional-personal life balance is not a difficult task. A few months of error and trial, you will have crossed another level.
Since that is out of the way, monotony begins.
Awkard firsts become comfortable usuals. A routine is formed, day-in-day-out pressure increases.
While some accept the routine, others get chaotic.
Chaotic minds either wander, to the picture-perfect past or hope for a better future.
The Past makes them question their reality. When was the last time you felt butterflies in your stomach and went weak in the knees? Does having a partner now mean you’re devoid of these feelings. That you will never skip a heartbeat for them ever again.
The Future will make them hope for a fairytale ending. That is, a few years down the line things will be perfect and we will forever be happy together.
Most of us confuse the lack of change with a lack of love and happiness.
Try ordering your go-to dish from your favorite place for one week. It gets monotonous, you would hate it. Now if you keep switching it up from the menu, you will forever love your favorite while giving others a chance.
Apply the same mindset to your relationship. Now and then you got to do something out of your usual. It does not guarantee that things will become better, but it does make you appreciate what you have right in front of you.
* * *
Here are a few things to try to not let monotony consume your relationships.
1. Never stop the compliments. (Throw it around like confetti)
Easy, yet effective. The key is to make sure that compliments don’t become a guest appearance in your lives. Doing this not only will lift them, but also has a major impact since it’s coming from you. Always be their cheerleader.
2. Take up challenges. (Games for the win)
This one is universal, can be applied anywhere. From picking up new restaurants to playing friendly games, a lot can happen.
Try involving fun ways into the daily routine, for example: Using rock, paper, and scissors for jobs none are interested. Make a bowl of chits with activities to do for the weekend. Keep a box and every time one does a thing they weren’t supposed to put a dollar.
Tada! Just like that, you have added some personal creative touch to the relationship.
3. Sacrifice a little, gain a little. (You win some, you lose none)
Easy said than done. Sometimes doing things you don’t like but your loved ones do, can make a whole lot of difference.
Every once in a while you can go out of the way. Remember to not push your boundaries to vast limits, keep it within your reach. Because trying too hard can frustrate you.
4. Walk. (One step at a time)
You heard me. A walk is all you need sometimes.
Make sure to leave your gadgets aside and carry your partner along. The fresh air, holding hands, and small talk can be very therapeutic.
5. Spend time away. (A little distance hurt nobody)
As much as people stress on doing things together, it is equally important to have separate lives.
Now and then have a night out with your friends, separately. This helps you create awareness of what their absence feels like. Remember to give them the chance too!
* * *
The take-home message is simple, spice things up whenever and wherever you can. It need not be anything too extravagant.
Start right now.
Text your loved one, a cute little message or if they are near you just tell them how much their presence means to you.
Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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