I have loved Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster since I was 6 years old. Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.” That’s Cookie Monster.
On Sesame Street, Actor Sir Ian McKellen teaches Cookie Monster the word resist. Cookie Monster quivers resisting from eating his favorite chocolate chip cookie. He surrenders throwing up his arms, “Why me pick today to help with word?” Cookies are his most favorite thing on Planet Earth. Especially, chocolate chip cookies. True to himself, Cookie Monster resists.
At the conclusion of the vocabulary lesson, Cookie Monster asks, “Are we done now showing the word resist, Sir Ian?”
Sir Ian replies, “Yes. Why do you ask?”
Cookie Monster confesses, “Because, me can no longer resist cookie anymore. Cookie!” He devours his favorite chocolate chip cookie, “Nom. Nom. Nom.”
Cookie Monster is authentically himself. No pretense. He doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not. He loves cookies. Resisting cookies is his weakness. Often, he fails to resist. Badly. Still, Cookie Monster never makes himself wrong for his failure, wrong for his imperfections. He’s kind to himself, his Monster Kindness.
In the Greek proverb: Kindness begets kindness. Like Cookie Monster, I accept my failures and imperfections. I try not to make myself wrong. I try to be kind to myself. I practice that over, and over, and over again. Practice makes the unnatural natural.
When I was a little boy, Dad scared me to my soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made him so angry at me. I was not the son Dad wanted. I was his greatest disappointment in life. I failed Dad. I would never be good enough for him. I would never be good enough for anyone, especially me. I spent much of adult life proving that I was good enough, that I was good enough to be loved.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth is the path to end suffering. On my path to end suffering, I trained in Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei for 25 years until he passed away. Sensei got that I had to prove I was good enough. He said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” Sensei generated the space to succeed, to fail, and grow from both. I was good enough for him. I was good enough for me, too. Sensei was a father to me. In many ways, he saved my life. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt), because of Mizukami Sensei.
Also on my path, I worked with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I looked at my fear of never being good enough for Dad. I forgave him for not knowing how to be a father and for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I practice that over, and over, and over again. Just train.
In Sunday Aikido practice, I rigorously trained on kotegaeshi (wristlock technique) the way that Ishibashi Sensei instructed. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I opened up. I got what Sensei taught, instead of trying to figure it out. I was present. I threw the attacker in kotegaeshi the way Sensei taught. I opened up over, and over, and over again. I let go. Just train.
After practice, Sensei said, “Good work.” I said, “Yeah, I have something else to work on. I have to keep opening up.” Sensei smiled, “We all have to.” I smiled, too. In the past, I made myself wrong for failure, for not getting it right. My voice inside said, “I’m no good.” Although, that was really my Dad’s voice. His voice had become mine over the years.
Now when I fail, my voice inside says, “Cool. I have something to work on.” My Monster Kindness for me. I create what’s possible from my failure. The late NBA Hall of Famer Kobe Bryant said, “Failure excites me.” His failures gave him what to work on next.
I have many things to work on in life. That’s good, rather than bad. I can always be greater-than I am. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. That’s all we can do. Just train.
Cookie Monster and I practice Monster Kindness for ourselves. We just train. It’s not like we have to get somewhere or be someone else. Maybe, we eat a chocolate chip cookie or two along the way. Maybe, three. Who knows.
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Photo: iStock
