My Bedroom Became a Battleground

I envied him, I think.

Envied the way he moved through life with his arms open
and a smile on his face; ready to embrace the experience of experience, itself. Happily engaged in this battle of existence.

I felt like I was missing something. This secret ingredient to life. The hidden formula on how to live it; a cheat code for the exclusive — and he had it. Suddenly, I realized why I hated

Because he was free.

I could feel it in the way he survived. His existence had more flavor to it. It brought a sense of urgency to my blandness. I wanted to season him all over my life. I wanted more.

I could feel it.

the yearning
the emptiness
the void

It burned me to admit he made me feel inadequate. It made me hot; turned up my temperature. I was jealous of his freedom and I wanted to harness it, reign it in, and store it in my chest. Keep some for myself and never give it back — especially not to him.

I needed him more than he needed himself.

Sadly, there was no obvious way to take him from who he was. I would have to go through him to steal him.

Sex was the only strategy; the only way to feed on his essence and extract it. One night. That was all I needed to transmute him into my auric field and make liberty a part of my DNA. My bedroom became a battleground.

I took him to war.

He erupted into my DNA.

I stored his climax in my cells.

I died in the heat of passion and rose like a Phoenix in the ashes of sexual gratification. Leaving a pile of bones on the bedsheets where one hell of a man once laid.

…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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