“This affair is the most healthy relationship I’ve been in. I’m openly communicating for the first time ever, no holding back,” was a post on r/adultery.
It’s not lost on me, let me tell you.
My lover accepts me, other men and all. I don’t have to lie. Can I express how freeing that is? I tell him everything without judgment and fear.
Isn’t it weird how well and honestly we can communicate with our affair partner? We can share our feelings, our secret desires, our failings, our hopes joyfully.
I love and hate it.
I love having this connection. I don’t have it at home with my husband. With every word, I have to carefully measure repercussions.
Will this go over well? Can I bring this up? I think twice and three times before I speak up. I know the fallout will be deadly.
“You have got to be kidding me!” he’ll exclaim. “How could you even think that?”
He doesn’t know me. Just the veneer. The “acceptable” parts of me. Is this any way to live? I don’t think so. I should have chosen an open-minded individual — less rigid and repressed.
Contrast to my lover, “I love how perverse you are!” He knows more of me than my husband ever has.
Don’t forget your affair partner is your escape. You don’t have to worry about what’s for dinner or who’d going to clean the bathroom…it’s a carefree arrangement that allows you to let your guard down. I think many of us fall for the illusion of love with an affair partner but would not do well in a real relationship with them.
That’s the argument.
And it has merit. The day-to-day humdrum would wear down passion faster than a flat tire.
I consider my affair a blueprint for what I’d like to find with an available partner. What could be possible? If I was lucky enough to find it. What I could have had…those three dots encompass everything and nothing.
“I’ve learned, it’s much easier to be open with someone you have no future with,” wrote TheOtherWoman as the top comment.
Who cares, though?
The stakes are lower in an affair. The less invested you are in being with someone long-term, the easier it is, to be honest.
“He’s a bonus — this lover. I’m aware our relationship can change in a moment. Anything can happen to take him away from me,” TheOtherWoman wrote.
I’ve learned to live in the here and now with lovers. It’s a valuable lesson. You are forced to acknowledge the impermanence. Your affair is ephemeral — like a sunset or a blooming flower, the beauty fades so quickly.
Appreciation is key.
The open communication with my lover makes my marriage manageable. He gives me all of what I lack at home. I am grateful for the honesty we have together. Our relationship is based on lies, except we aren’t lying within it. That’s the crucial difference.
It’s a subtle but important nuance.
I lie everywhere, yet with him, I’m truthful.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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