My Dad Reached Out After 24 Years

Five months have passed since my dad reached out. It was the first time in 24 years.

Up to this point, I didn’t know what he looked like, where he was, or even his name. The strange thing is, I’d never thought to ask. It was only when my therapist dug into the weeds did I stop to think.

For all I knew, he could have been dead.

He’s also living with his family in Australia, and his two children want to meet me. My step-brother and step-sister want to meet me.

He left before I was born, just months into the pregnancy. He hadn’t known my mum long. They met in a club, hooked up, and then he vanished.

I also didn’t know this until recently.

The latter is a revelation that has made me question everything. My purpose, my identity, my upbringing — all tossed into the air.

Maybe I wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I was an accident. Also, why now? What does he want? What do I want?

I think I want to reach out to him, but I’m not sure. I’ve spoken with friends, been down the rabbit holes, and I still feel torn.

There are so many unknowns. What if we don’t get on? What if we do get on? What would I say to him?

Part of me is curious, and an equally big part is terrified. I might do or say something I regret. He could be a total dick.

As my therapist wisely reassured me, “everyone is a bit of a dick.”

. . .

Why am I sharing all this?

I believe it’s healthy to share how you’re feeling with others. (And yes, that includes us, men.)

The people in your life will want to help. If you have that mutual understanding, don’t feel bad about sharing what you’re going through. I know it isn’t easy. A year ago, I would never have told anyone about something like this — not even my friends.

And when I talked about my dad with my therapist for the first time, it felt horribly uncomfortable.

But talking really does help. And it does get easier over time. If you can seek someone out — whether that’s a professional, a close friend, or a family member — you’ll feel better for it.

Secondly, what we see on the surface is only ever a fraction of what’s going on.

We all have our struggles. We all have our baggage. We all have ‘stuff’ going on. And if you think someone’s got ‘theirs’ together, they probably don’t. Some are just better at hiding it than others. I know this to be true from the number of people who’ve been in touch after I shared news about my dad on my podcast. The only variable that changes is us and how we process it.

If you’re struggling right now and you’re looking for help, these would be my suggestions: