“He’s not good to her,” says my sister.
She’s talking to our uncle.
It pains them both. It’s the unfortunate truth. It’s my truth. I feel dead inside. Little by little parts of me are eroding. My heart feels empty. My family, and friends don’t recognize me.
They’re fighting me.
But only I can save myself.
I finally do.
It feels like a rescue mission.
As if someone scoops in, and saves a girl. But it’s me. I save myself. I’ve been held hostage for too long. I’ve attached myself to someone who doesn’t fill my heart.
But instead, has left a cavernous hole in it.
I feel alive again.
I no longer hurt.
It’s not easy. It’s a struggle. It can be a stress. People judge me. Especially, the unhappily married people who’ve chosen to remain married. The happily married couples don’t seem to judge.
They understand.
Because they don’t need to be rescued.
They aren’t dead inside.
Their love is alive.
Divorce is a process. It’s a journey. It’s an evolution. I fight to become who I once was. At the same time, I would never return to that emotional battlefield.
I would never combat a man again.
I return in bits and pieces.
I’m unfolding.
I’m present.
I’m living life again.
Divorce wasn’t easy but it was worth it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Yerba Mate Taragüi on Unsplash
