There’s an adage in my country that says;
20 Children can’t play together for 20years.
Two teenagers who dreamed together — made plans for the future, were practically sisters. But then suddenly it was over. Years of friendship, gone. There was no fight no argument nothing.
For a while, I found it difficult to let go. She was my only friend at the time.
How could we be over just like that? I needed some explanation so I called several times, but no answer. I even sent texts, asking what I had done wrong, no replies.
Have I been a bad friend? I asked myself constantly for years. I couldn’t think of anything I must have done wrong. But I was certain I had to have offended her in a way. Why else would my best friend cut me off, without an explanation?
It took me a while — about 5 years to be precise, time gave me no choice, I had to move on.
Then one afternoon, 4years ago, my phone rang. ‘Hello,’ I responded, “Oh hello Belinda, it’s me”. ‘I know that voice’, I thought to myself. ‘No that can’t be’, I waved it off.
‘Please who am I speaking to’? I asked, slightly unassuming. “It’s me, don’t tell me you forgot my voice already”. She said sounding a little too familiar, you’d think no time had passed since we last spoke.
‘oh wow, it’s been a while since I last heard from you, how have you been’? I said in a slightly formal tone. Then she began telling me about her work and life in general. Still, I wondered why she was acting as though we were still friends. But I tried to play along.
I’m a bit on the private side so I didn’t have much to talk about, besides if I’m being honest, there was actually nothing to talk about. My life was nowhere as exciting as hers.
The conversation went on for almost 5mins and I listened to all her stories. Though I was still a little curious, what had changed. I mean why now, why was she suddenly calling and telling me all these things about herself?
I knew she’d been in town for about a year now and I had heard no word from her. What must have happened that she‘d decided to call out of the blue? I wondered. Well, maybe she’s finally grown and realized, she’d treated me unfairly, I concluded.
Subsequently, for a couple of years, she’d call me and we’d have similar chitchats.
Still, my curiosity grabbed me by the neck each time she called.
Just last month, I decided to call and meet up with some of our mutual friends — three guys, maybe they know something.
About 2 days later, I arranged for a hang out with the guys but really, I just wanted to do a little investigation. I guess I had the time.
I met with the guys and we had a little chitchat. Then they told me the truth. I finally knew the reason my former best friend had stopped talking to me so abruptly for all those years.
She’d done something terrible, something a friend should never do. ‘It’s been many years now, we are no longer teenagers. I don’t care for it anymore’. I said to my friends but deep down, I was hurt. I could tell by the way, they looked at me, they knew I was lying.
“She’s not a good friend Belinda, she never was,” One of the guys said. He told me, she’d been pretending to be interested in my life all the while. When all she’s been doing is making sure I was doing better than she.
They all confirmed that she’d been obsessively asking them questions like “what’s Belinda up to? Does she have a job, why isn’t she married yet. After all her self righteous attitude, I thought she’d be super rich by now, what happened to her”? Hearing this cut me deeply.
I felt naive for thinking she’d been in touch lately because she genuinely cared about me as I did her.
That night I got back home thinking. Oh, I’m never going to speak with her again. I should just block her from ever contacting me. She’s such a terrible person.
After pondering on the situation for hours, it became clear to me. Of course, she’d make me the bad guy. Of course, she’d have some sort of unhealthy competition with me in her head. Thats probably her way of coping with her betrayal. She’d lost a friend as well. It was all out of fear.
She feared I was going to hate her after her betrayal, she’s probably right. But if I didn’t hate her when I was younger for cutting me off without an explanation, I’m definitely not going to hate her now. Even after learning the truth about what she had done, leaving me to question myself all these years, and her recent obsessive behavior.
There was no way I was going to let her drag me into that pit of hatred and enmity. So the next day, After several battles with my ego, I decided to speak with her.
I asked her if all I heard was true and she couldn’t deny any of it. Then I told her I forgive her. I told her even though I was no longer interested in being friends as we are clearly on different paths now, I’d always love her and wish her only the best.
The moment I finished speaking with her, I felt a great relief in my chest. It was as though a huge bag of cement was lifted off of me. Since that day, I no longer feel any form of resentment towards my ex-best friend. I finally moved on and I hope she does too.
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Previously published on medium
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