My First Post-Breakup Date

Well… I did. My past dating debacle left my soul crushed, but today we have Bob (no, his name isn’t really Bob).

Bob is a professional poker player. I like that. A bunch of my best friends are poker players too, and for a brief while, I tried to become one myself.

I played online, went to a couple live games, and quickly realized poker requires skills that don’t quite match my personality.

First and foremost, the extreme ability to ignore your emotions and always make the rational choice.

Poker isn’t gambling, it’s strategy, skill, and probability. There’s always a right decision.

But not acting on my emotions? That doesn’t sound much like me…

Second, poker players (my friends excluded) seem angry. Cold and calculated. At the table, I’m a happy butterfly looking to connect, they’re predators trying to take my money. Online, it’s less intense, but I just get bored.

Yeah, poker players are sharks.

I’ll stick with chess. We’re a bunch of harmless nerds.

So, back to Bob.

I invited Bob to go for cheesecake at supposedly the best cheesecake store in London. I have high hopes. Both for the cheesecake and for Bob.

He seems funny. Clever, sarcastic, dark. Just like I like it.

My suggestion for cheesecake was, at first, a silent “fuck you” to the last guy I dated. We’d gone for cheesecake together a couple of times, and when it ended, what I missed most was the simple walks to the cake store while we walked the city hand in hand.

So with Bob, I suggested cheesecake, not just because I always want cake, but to prove to myself that I can have those moments again. That I can create the same rituals with someone else.

Any loss is difficult for me. Losing someone, even if they weren’t the right one, hurts.

I give away a piece of my heart, and when they leave they take it with them, while I’m left with a hole I need to refill (with cheesecake?).

So no, if I’m being honest, it’s not really a “fuck you” to the last guy.

It’s a reminder to myself that people can fall away, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end for me.

It doesn’t mean you can’t build something new with someone else. Create new habits. Share small joys.

And maybe it’ll be one cheesecake, maybe it’ll be many.

But for now, my heart is happy to be back in the saddle, and to fill its empty space with optimism… and cheesecake.