His digs, underhanded comments, lack of attention, and coldness.
My Husband Makes Cheating a No Brainer
“Well, that sounds like a you problem,” he says when I mention that I can’t get the printer to sync to our computer at home.
“You can’t help?” I ask.
“No way. Figure it out.”
This is how it’s been since we were first married. It’s not new. I vow not to ask for help.
“I won’t, I won’t,” I mutter under my breath. “He won’t help anyways.”
“Babe, I’d help you if we were together…you wouldn’t have to do everything alone,” my lover promises me.
That almost sounds better than sex in some ways. Being able to rely on someone a little. I don’t have to be completely independent and then criticized for my pleas for aid.
“You should research it,” my husband would admonish. “I’m not your servant.”
He’s not and never has been. I have to do all the bending and scraping in this relationship to keep it going.
Then there are the horrible rare overtures for sex.
“Why aren’t you wet?” after he digs his fingers into my pussy, with long fingernails, after coming home from a bar absolutely stinking drunk.
“Um, that’s way too hard!” I cry.
“Whadya mean?”
“And your fingernails hurt!”
“So, you don’t want to?” he slurs.
“Not like this,” I reply, pushing him away.
He turns over and sighs. Like it’s my fault that I don’t want to be mauled after he’s wasted. I have zero problems getting wet for my lover, I might add. But with him, it’s another story. I’m bone dry like the Sahara. And he won’t try any other options like licking me.
“Please go down on me,” I begged at the beginning of our marriage.
“You know I won’t do that!” he said.
The way he talks to me.
“Why didn’t you??” is the start of almost every sentence. “I can’t believe you haven’t started x, y, or z.” Or, “you are being ridiculous, as usual.”
Nothing is ever good enough or fast enough or whatever enough.
It’s pretty damn obvious why I cheat. Long haul dead bedroom of a decade, jerky partner, erectile dysfunction, no oral, and emotional abuse.
“Why are you staying with him?” my lover asks.
“I don’t know. I guess I don’t see myself as lovable. He’s beaten me down to a pulp.”
“You are! I’ll never stop trying to show you that.”
So, that’s my unhappy marriage story. I cheat for a reason. And damn good ones.
I know woe is me. “He doesn’t do that, he is this, he is that…” But you should try harder! Talk to him! Marriage counseling. Couples therapy.
I’m done trying.
I’ve hit my bitter end. I realize maybe I do deserve more than an asshole in my life.
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This post was previously published on P.S. I Hate You.
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