Question: My husband wants a divorce and I don’t. My parents were divorced and I swore if I ever got married, I would make it last. This would destroy me. We don’t have any kids so he has no reason to stay. How do I make him understand that we need to stay together? How do I get him to remember why he fell in love with me in the first place?
Answer: My love, I hear that your husband wants to end your marriage and you don’t. That must hurt. And yet I hear the reason doesn’t have to do with your marriage so much as because of your parents marriage, thus your reaction is based on the past, not the present moment. Can you see that?
Quite often we make vows or agreements or we sentence ourselves to certain things as a reaction to the past, not as a powerful choice in the present moment.
Remember love, nobody has the power to destroy you, you are unbreakable. No circumstances are ever bigger than you even though in the moment it often feels like that.
Forgive me, yet you can’t make a man understand that you need to stay together… because everybody always has a choice, nobody ‘needs’ to stay together. Telling somebody they need to stay together is controlling their free will and this behavior create separation and actually push them away more.
I like your angle about getting reconnected with why you both fell in love in the first place. What do you believe has led to his desire for a divorce? Has the kindness gone? Has the appreciation or freedom gone? Have your physical sexual priorities shifted? Are you growing in different spiritual directions? Are either of you taking each other for granted? Are you struggling with conflict resolution and building resentment and frustrations? Are you able to talk about difficulties in an honoring authentic honest manner?
It’s intense but even very possible that the universe is asking you to heal from your parents divorce by having to go through your own divorce so that you could have compassion for your parents, husband and for yourself. Every challenge is the seed for great growth, evolution and development.
And the more we give people choice, the greater sense of freedom we provide them with, which supports people in choosing to stay connected in the long term, if that’s their sacred contract.
What if you forgive your parents, forgive your husband, and be tender and compassionate with yourself as you embrace ‘allowance’ of what is? Just dissolving the resistance to your husband’s choice is enough to open the door to an authentic conversation that could lead to healing.
If I can be of contribution to you both in that domain, it would be my privilege. Contact [email protected] to set up a strategy session to see if you two are a fit for me to support you in either healing your marriage or consciously uncoupling. Let’s dive in and embrace the lesson letting go of attachment to the outcome, as challenging as that can be, beautiful.
Bless and love,
This post was previously published on www.allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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