Born individual, you likely have more energy, more charisma, bigger appetites, stronger needs, greater passion, more aliveness, and more avidity than the next person. Individuals often do. Nature saw to this, blindly of course. Nature can’t joke or bestow blessings. But this may be nature’s way of fueling the individual so that he can be individual. And this extra energy and greater appetite will naturally incline an individual toward addiction, mania and insatiability.
How could this supercharging not lead there? How can you have a ton of energy and not court mania? How can you have extra adrenaline and not drive a hundred miles an hour? Nature inadvertently created a fiery, insatiable creature. Nature does not joke but it does produce unintended consequences. One of the major unintended consequences of this extra drive and bigger appetite is that an individual is hard-pressed, and often completely unable, to feel satisfied.
You eat a hundred peanuts—not satisfying enough. You write a good book— not satisfying enough. You win the Nobel Prize—not satisfying enough. This inability to get satisfied produces constant background agitation and unhappiness. When nature provides extra energy, it adds susceptibility to mania. When it provides extra ambition, it adds susceptibility to grandiosity. When it provides extra appetite, it adds susceptibility to compulsion. How charming of nature!
So, nature, which doesn’t joke, nevertheless has its little joke. It creates an individual who must know for himself, follow his own path, and be himself, then heightens his anxiety and makes sure that nothing will satisfy him. Good one, nature! Then there is a second scenario, the scenario of suppressed individuality. This is the more usual path. A person is born individual but succumbs to conformity. Life then feels not quite right or worse. Maybe much, much worse.
What does this look like? Here’s one version. Jane explained, “When I was young I was a thrill-seeker, which led to risky behavior. Things quieted down when I got married and had kids, but that transition was painful and I felt really constricted and limited. We moved to a small farm town where I was surrounded by religious people who had very strong notions about how you comport yourself, how you raise your kids, what you believe in, and your place in the family and the community.
“I felt stifled, under-valued and invisible. I wore the mask of a pleasant smile as I served coffee or did the dishes at church functions. I was depressed, I gained a lot of weight, and alcohol became an easy crutch.
I’ve always intuitively mistrusted the status quo but I haven’t resisted it enough. I’m a caretaker and people-pleaser and I have a huge desire to fit in and be approved of, all to the detriment of my mental health. I’ve always cared about survival.”
These are two sides of the same coin, insatiability and conformity. You try to act satisfied by doing what other people do, but you are still insatiable. Is there another path? See you in the next post!
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[This “Individuality and Absurd Rebellion” series of posts introduces you to ideas you’ll find in Eric Maisel’s most recent book Redesign Your Mind. You can learn more about Redesign Your Mind here.]
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
