No, Time Does Not Have All the Answers

I recently offered a Coaching call to my sister’s friend.

I knew her struggles, and I felt I could be of some help. But she declined saying that — “She appreciates the offer, but she is not willing to do it right now.”

She ended the note by saying — “I know I am lonely, but time alone has answers.”

This is a classic example of “Freeze trauma response.”

To give a bit of context — When our body senses danger, it generates a response in the form of either fight/flight. You try to fight the situation and/or you flee.

There is also a third response that the body generates and that is — “Freeze” response.

When the threat is perceived to be way more than we think we can handle, we resign. It is a state of shock, of resignation.

When the situation feels too overwhelming, the nervous system goes into freeze mode, and we resign ourselves to the situation.

Think — An elephant tied to a trunk.

The elephant is perfectly cabale of breaking his shackles and be free. But through repeated conditioning, he has come to believe that he cannot influence his situation(break free from the chains) and hence, resigns himself to the fate.

This is also, often seen in people traumatized in road accidents, or war verterans returning home. It is the nervous system’s response to terror.

Even though I understand where my sister’s friend might be coming from, because I know her journey, the idea that time alone has answers is actually misleading and disempowering.

We have far more power in our hands than we give ourselves credit for, or realise.

Doing nothing about your current situation changes nothing.

Time does not heal all wounds, what you do with that time, does. By playing the waiting game, to let time do its thing actually makes your life more miserable.

If you feel stuck, ask yourself why do you feel stuck?

• Can you really do nothing about your situation?
• Are you telling yourself a story that is making you feel helpless and stuck in vicitm mode?
• How might you be creating the situation you are in?

These questions may feel triggering for some, and they may feel like victim blaming, and I understand.

The truth, however, is that we have far more power to craft our lives, than we realise.

If you genuinely feel you can do nothing, best way forward is to seek help.

Trauma may make us feel crippled and unable to deal with life, but the truth is that you can heal from trauma. You can move forward.

You can choose to not be stuck and heal yourself to live the life you always dreamed of.

Is it easy? Probably not.
Is it worth it? Certainly.

I have created an ebook “Practical Ways to manage Loneliness” and it is packed with unique insights that will help you manage your loneliness effectively.
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