Non-Binary Excellence: How One Employee’s Authenticity Served as a Model for Others. [Video]

By I’m From Driftwood

.

.

After some post-graduation uncertainty, Will Verchereau landed a job in the financial world. After settling in comfortably, they began to inject more of themselves into their workplace attire, sporting things like thrift store blazers and homemade pocket squares. After a higher-up told them to “tone it down,” however, Will began to wonder how much of themselves they could really bring to work.

After pivoting to the legal world and working remotely, they began to experiment more with their appearance, growing their hair out and wearing more flowy and gender-nonconforming clothing. After much introspection, they realized that these fashion choices were not simply sartorial, but also a reflection of their inner self, leading them to a life-changing realization: they were nonbinary. Thanks to a supportive workplace, Will was able to come out comfortably and bring their true self to work, building more genuine relationships with colleagues and serving as a role model for others.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

[Music]

And I’m from Lansing, Michigan. In May 2011, I found myself freshly graduated from Michigan State University and crying alone in my closet in my apartment, blasting Stevie Nicks’ “Landslide.” Everyone was telling me that I was going to be really hard to find a job, and it was going to be really hard to find a job for everybody. But I was concerned that for me specifically, as someone who identified as gay, that that was going to be a challenge for me. Lo and behold, a couple of months later, I landed a job. I landed a paid internship with a financial services organization. After I landed that internship and after I started that role, I stopped alternating between my boxy blue Men’s Wearhouse suit and my boxy gray Men’s Wearhouse suit and started wearing things that I found myself more comfortable in.

So, I was wearing blazers that I had thrifted, and I was wearing some pocket squares that my grandma had made for me. And a couple of months after I started, that company hired a new vice president of communications, and shortly after that, my manager at the time pulled me aside and said that she had some feedback for me. This new vice president of communications had asked her to tell me to tone it down. I was fully within the definition of appropriate dressing at this company, but I was still mortified. I ended up finding a new job after that. So, on my last day at that job, I wore the biggest cocktail ring I had, my favorite thrifted blazer, and I wore a pocket square that my grandma had made for me. And I shook that man’s hand, and I walked out the door.

Several years later, I’d been working in financial services. I’d been with a company for almost 10 years. I learned about an opportunity with a law firm. I was able to interview and land this new job. I wasn’t in any office; I was working remotely. So, I had to reach out specifically and intentionally to build connections with people. And I found that everyone was really welcoming.

But that respect came out as things like, “Hello, sir,” “Welcome, sir.” If I was in a group of men, like “gentlemen,” it started to make my skin crawl, and just something didn’t feel right. So, I started talking about it with my husband. It started to kind of dawn on me that I’m not sitting in this “sir” box. During the pandemic, I was starting to grow my hair out, and I remember this moment where my hair was starting to curl, and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, “I have curly hair. That’s amazing.”

And then I started to wear things that made me feel good at home, so things were a little bit more flowy and not the structured suits that I was wearing. And I started going back to the thrift store and finding clothes that were maybe on the women’s side of the thrift store, and they made me feel so much better. And as I wore more of those things at home and my hair continued to grow, and I talked more about these experiences with my husband, I recognized that I’m non-binary.

As I had more conversations at home, as I started to feel more comfortable in my body and my own skin, and as I started to feel how good it felt for people to refer to me as “they” or “them,” I realized that it was time for me to come out professionally too.

So, one team meeting, we were going through and giving our updates, and it got to me, and I thought, “Well, I guess this is it.” And I simply said, “I just so you all know, I identify as non-binary. I’m using ‘they/them’ pronouns moving forward, and I would really appreciate your help in using those pronouns.” And I got almost no reaction. It was fine.

Everyone said, “Okay, thank you for letting us know. That’s great.” And we moved on, and I gave the rest of my updates about work, and it was a non-issue. About a year into me being with this law firm, I was asked to attend a diversity reception. So, an opportunity for us to talk to law students about our firm and for these law students to share more about themselves with us. We were specifically and intentionally inviting people who were underrepresented in law, so think black students, women, LGBTQ people, and we really wanted to show off who we are as a firm.

So, I went to the event, and I bottled myself up a little bit. I put on a suit that I liked, a suit that I feel good in, but ultimately, it’s a bit more subdued. I put my hair up, and I wore earrings, actually these earrings here, something a little bit simpler, something that wasn’t going to be as me.

And as I walked past this small group of people, someone reached out to stop me, and I turned, and I read this man as CIS, as straight, as a black man, a black student who was here to learn more about our law firm. He was pointing to my earrings and said, “You can wear those. You can have tattoos.” I took mine out because I wasn’t sure if you all would like them or if I could even wear those in a professional setting. It just lit a fire in me that I needed to be me in that moment. I said to him, “Yes, you can wear your earrings. You can have tattoos. That’s okay. We’re just here to work together and do our best for our clients.”

And I talked a little bit more with him about what he wanted to do, what his area and his interest in law was, and we ended the conversation. After that moment, I realized that I had a responsibility to show up as myself whenever possible and that I couldn’t hold myself back. And I found that I get so many more compliments that way. People love the pants that I’m wearing or tell me that my hair looks amazing, and then we connect on so many other things after that.

It’s opened so many more doors for me to show up as myself than I ever thought possible. By connecting and showing off who I am, I’m better able to build relationships because I’m not spending all my mental energy holding myself back.

—

This post was previously published on YouTube.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: iStock