Triggers. We all have them. What can we do when someone pushes one?
Triggers. We’ve all got them. Those words or actions that just somehow get under our skin. That hit us where it hurts. Our vulnerabilities. Our insecurities. Our weak spots.
And most of the time we can come up with a good logical explanation for them. They’re not really about us—or, at least, that’s what we want to believe.
“That person is just freaking annoying” or “that colleague has such a sleazy way of marketing” or “that friend is just looking for attention.”
And it bothers us. A lot. Because it’s not about them. It’s never about them. It’s about us. It’s a trigger.
Lately, I’ve given a lot of thought to triggers. I’m teaching my Sacred Circle (part of my Mastermind programs) about how to identify your own brand and purpose, and then turn that into a business. We look at what we resonate with—which we define as attraction (things you like), reaction (things that trigger you), and healing (your deepest wounds that you feel called to heal).
And, ironically (or maybe not so much), in the midst of teaching about triggers, I’ve been triggered up a storm. My fears are rising to the surface. My insecurities are exposed. People are saying and doing everything to rub me the wrong way.
And, of course, I want to make it all about them. I want to believe that they have the issues. That they are the ones who need healing. That they’re causing the problems separate from me.
It’s funny how fast we want to disown our triggers. We want to immediately rationalize why it’s not about us. We want to claim that we couldn’t possibly resonate with this thing because it’s so incredibly opposite from the way we operate. So it’s not really about us.
But the truth is we wouldn’t have this strong of a reaction if it wasn’t about us. We wouldn’t feel an emotional pull if it was all outside of us. Resonance simply means that a deep part of ourselves—call it a soul—is recognizing itself. And we recognize ourselves not just from what we’re attracted to and want to be near, but also what we want to run away from as fast as possible. In fact, probably more so. Because that’s the stuff that we really want to heal.
If we start to pick apart the pieces and ask “why,” we can see our role in it all. “Why is that person annoying me right now? Is it because she’s talking to everyone at the party? What about that bothers me? Because she’s not even that interesting but people love her? Why do I care if people love her? Because I feel more interesting and no one is talking to me? So, am I really upset that I’m not putting myself out there and letting people talk to me?
Boom. Like that, we can start to see what’s actually happening. Why it’s about us. Because, the truth is, it’s always about us. We can only see life from our own lens, so whatever is happening is just our perception of what’s happening. And that means it’s always about us.
Sure, shit happens. We can’t control the world. And we can’t take responsibility for everybody’s actions. But we can notice what our perception of these actions is telling us about ourselves. We can notice what our reactions are communicating to us. We can notice how our triggers are really our allies.
And that’s why they’re part of resonance. Because they’re part of us—the deepest part of us. And, if our businesses and lives are going to be about unfolding our purpose, then we sure as heck have to include the things we want to heal. In truth, that’s all they’re really about.
So, the next time someone bothers you—really, really bothers you—and you feel triggered. Stop for a moment. Take a step back. Ask yourself “why.” See what you can learn about yourself here.
Because that trigger just gave you a huge gift. And, with it, you’ll never be the same again.
Originally posted at bostonwellnesscoach.com.
Photo: Frits Ahlefeldt/hikingartist.com