Not Just For Men: Welcome to the Men’s Group

First, let me say, I’m glad this film was made. Though it is not an easy movie to watch, it is still compelling enough to keep me watching and listening intently. I wish I could offer random profundity on masculinity.

It is not easy, not because of its dealing with masculinity, but because you see a bunch of guys sitting around talking about their problems. Who wants to watch that? Well, I do and I did. This movie reminds me of the type of movie like The Big Chill only with men only or Before Sunset and Before Sunrise, short on action but long on dialogue or the granddaddy of them all, My Dinner With Andre. Even though those movies are only two people each, and this one had eight or so, it’s about the characters and their compelling stories. I had to keep watching.

I have no idea what conscious masculinity is. I’m not even sure what masculinity is anymore. It’s been dissected by everyone in the universe and molded and remolded, and if you asked 10 different people, you’d probably get 12 different answers. This movie had to be made just to show masculinity for those guys. Yes, I could relate to some of their issues. But, it doesn’t matter. The movie is a work of art and deserves to stand on its own and let people, mainly women, see what a men’s group might look like. I don’t see or hear or read about men and dads getting a lot of positive attention except in a few places like The Good Men Project, Dad 2.0 Summit, and some FB groups. One has to wonder if feminism killed masculinity?

◊♦◊

I had several recurring thoughts while watching the movie. One was the relative lack of diversity in the men. There was an Iranian man, but the rest looked like middle-aged white men, except one who was quite youngish. I don’t want to criticize a work of art, but I kind of would have liked to see some other men of different races, religions, etc. The conversations would have been different. On the other hand, maybe the issues being addressed would not have been all that different. Everybody has issues. Nobody has a perfect life, free of obstacles, disappointments, and frustration. I live in a diverse neighborhood on the East Coast. There is a lot of diversity on the West Coast, too. In between, not as much.

One thing I kept thinking about was that it almost didn’t matter what the guys said or did, the plot didn’t matter, nothing mattered, except that they were together sharing their experiences as men. Thank God for the filmmakers to wrote, produced and directed the film and got it distributed. So people out there, mainly women, could see what men’s groups might look like, i.e., it’s not all about sports, sex, cars, power, and control. It’s not about anything except how to handle the thing call our lives.

A recurring thought was that women don’t understand men and no amount of talking about will help them. That’s ok. I don’t understand a lot of men either, and I certainly don’t pretend to understand women. Why does our society think it necessary to comprehend? What exactly does that do for them or us? I guess I have some issues with some outspoken feminists. What I don’t understand is their contempt for men when they talk as if they live in a vacuum. Doesn’t every feminist have a husband, brother, father or son who needs help?

◊♦◊

Yet another thought I had was that since these were mainly white guys, maybe it would shake up the common misperception that we all have money and power and consequently, no problems. I would like for some women to see this film who think those things. I have been called “absurd” in my viewpoints precisely because I’m a middle-aged white man, even one without money or power. I guess I don’t understand how some women can call themselves more open-minded than some men, yet they fail to see that men are as different as, well, women. We are not all alike. I could relate to some things shared by characters in the movie, but not others. My house is nowhere near as nice as the set in the movie, though who wouldn’t want that? 

The bottom line for me is I am so glad this film was made. There were two ways to make the movie. Either the director could show the guys on some heroic mission and use flashbacks to the men’s group or show the men’s group showing flashbacks to various scenes with their families. The latter was easier and cheaper to make and more poignant to show real men’s groups activity. I think the movie is representative of what a men’s group could be, or even would be. I’m glad I saw it. I hope it gets enough distribution that a lot of other people get to see it and that it ultimately provokes conversation.

Like the one The Good Men Project is having and no one else.

—
The Premiere is Here!
—

Join the Welcome to The Men’s Group team for a special red carpet fundraiser event to kick off the U.S. theatrical release of this powerful new film about men in search of community!

WHEN: May 16, 2018

WHERE: Ahrya Fine Arts Theater, 8556 Wilshire Blvd.
Beverly Hills, CA. 90211

6:00PM – Red Carpet Reception

7:00PM – Film Screening

Moderator: Lisa Hickey (Publisher/CEO The Good Men Project)
Stephen J. Johnson PhD. (psychotherapist, author, Men‘s Center LA)
Alexandra Katehakis PhD. (psychotherapist, author, Center for Healthy Sex)
Movember Foundation (Men’s Health Advocacy)
Steve Harper – The Mankind Project (Men’s Group Training)
Planned Parenthood Advocacy Project (Family Planning)
Jewish Healing & Hospice Center (Grief Counseling)

—

Photo: Welcome to the Men’s Group Facebook Page