The stuff you do and what happens to you become your collective experience. It’s all you have, all you own. Whether your journey comprises insights from nirvana or trauma, it makes no difference; they both carry the same weight. While different, they are eerily similar. They help heal the stars that have flourished and then pass into indifference. Take your money, your precious shit, and everything else and bury it.
There are some advantages of getting old, but not many. More bad than good. But some are so good, meaningful, and powerful that they will find their way out of you as experience and wisdom. You have to share these. You define what they are. Others will follow you or might not.
Click for larger view.
Accepting yourself into your mortuary as a Diener is one.
A friend of mine works at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in NYC. She used to say we must stand on rooftops and scream out loud for help when cancer shows up as the diagnosis. For me, it did, and we did. While it worked for me, it did not work for my sister. Now I have more to scream about. I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis (PPMS). I am being treated for epilepsy (PWE) as well. I thought cancer would have been enough for me, but life has other plans. I have my original hand of cards to play with. Sometimes I hide my face behind them. I often share them with others who want to understand or help me. I don’t rely on them very much. I am tired of being disappointed.
For me, it’s about determination. I am my biggest fan. In my career, I convinced myself I could do more. Work, achieve., teach, repeat. I told myself I would be successful until I was. Sounds straightforward, but it’s not. It’s about believing, repetition, and putting in a lifetime of learning to work against my goals.
I started fighting multiple sclerosis the day I learned I had PPMS. I doubled down when I learned PWE as part of my sickness. I will continue on this journey until it ends and it is over for me. That’s the hard part. The easy part is accepting fate. I don’t expect to live a life filled with the dreams of poets. The same dreams that hold my grace and trust in people. It is hard, and I know it will get even more challenging as time passes. For me, it still matters.
My best, Chris
***
Support The Good Men Project on Patreon to help us build a better, more inclusive world for all.
***
Photo by Vinay Balraj on Unsplash
