Occasionally My Partner Has New Ideas About My Career

So, what do you do? This is the first question, if not the subsequent asked on the first date. We all want to know what the other person is doing so that we can judge and gauge them. Sometimes the answer might lead to the cancellation of the date altogether. So we lie and conjure ways to present our jobs as more meaningful, beautiful, and impactful than they are.

And I understand the need for this question.

Some careers call for certain personalities that we think are compatible with ours. And they speak to our power, skillset, and stability, whether financial or not. We presume a particular job equals this amount of money or wealth.

I am a writer. That was my answer when he asked. And I added that I have a published book. My partner is a software developer. I googled him when we first met, and his LinkedIn says Data Scientist & Fullstack developer.
But the reality is we are not just one thing. So the answer to that question can only happen through time.

I am privileged to have experienced his work mode a few times because he works from home. Although I am also a web designer, I would not imagine directing and advising him on matters about software development.

It was amazing during the height of Covid to read about people who were astounded seeing their spouses in a work environment. Most people had to work from home, which was rare before the pandemic. So they got to interact with their partners working. They heard what they said, how they conducted themselves, and sometimes their authoritative job nature. Some of them could not believe it. This was a shift from the daily interactions with their partners.

Our lives become entangled with the people we share them with. Our partners are more present in our lives, and our careers intermingle with theirs. But how much into their careers are we supposed to delve?

Is a career a personal journey?

I think so, to a certain point. My partner has had a hand in my career several times. I value his input which has gone a long way sometimes. However, my writing is mostly a creative journey, and his methods to improve it logically do not make sense to me now. Some of them might, at a later date. But I want to do things my way, and I get this bothered feeling when he starts advising me on ways to improve my career, as he puts it.

He also speaks to me about his work. Sometimes, he asks what choices he should make. I weigh in, and he eventually makes his decision. Would I say he makes questionable career choices? Sometimes yes. But that is my opinion. He understands the inner workings of it more than I do. And even if I understood, the final choice is his to make. I trust him to take his career where he wants it to be. And things work out in the end.

Our careers, in a big way, determine the kind of life we live. Consequently, this affects the lives our families live, our partners included. But there has to be a line into how much we allow them to determine the trajectory of our careers.

I have learned to listen.

He is my partner. He loves me, and I believe he advises me out of that love. Not all he says I agree with. But I let him speak his heart out until a point; there’s only so much I can take.

Do you advise your partner on their career choices? How much into their career are you involved in?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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