TASK #3: OH GOD, THAT’S ME…
“What an ugly beast is the ape, and how like us”. Cicero (106–43B.C)
I joined a gym just after the new year. It’s part of a chain–there are several hundred of them spread all over the country. This one is probably just like the rest: Cardio area, free weights, machines, a pool, a room for “spinning”, taught by Pram, Gigi and one day a week, Bianca!(which, by the way is stupid. Go ride a bike somewhere else). And one other big room, where they offer yoga classes (teacher Leah!), Zumba classes (the guy who signed me up said, “I ain’t never seen a man in a Zumba class…”) Kick-box cardio, Power Circuit (I don’t know what the hell that is), and Boot Camp conditioning, which I guess is the class where the real intense people scowl and scream and really get into it.
Strip off your clothes. Inspect yourself. Carefully. List the good, the bad and the ugly. Spare no criticism. Make your own list. Laugh or cry accordingly.
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I joined because I looked at myself in the mirror on January 2nd and thought, shit–I look awful. Some of it was because I was as white as the underside of a flounder, but most of it was because my flab had flab, and I thought I saw cellulite on my love handles (a double shame), and my legs–well, if I’m going to ask them to support my portly mess, then they need some attention.
While I was in front of the mirror I did my year assessment. Decent posture. Cleft chin, a nose that isn’t an embarrassment, solid (but hairy) shoulders. Paunchy. Dick that works, but not very big. Knees that look like they were added on at the last minute. Ass–nothing to write home about, if you were thinking about writing home about your ass.
C minus, and I’m grading on a curve.
Now it’s your turn…
Task:
The task this week is to look at yourself–really look at yourself–and catalog what’s good, and what’s not so good. Find a mirror. A floor-to-ceiling mirror if possible. Strip off your clothes. Inspect yourself. Carefully. List the good, the bad and the ugly. Spare no criticism.
Make your own list. Laugh or cry accordingly.
PS. The gym. I checked out a Zumba class. There were guys in the room waiting for it to start. I watched from outside. It’s basically a cardio dance class. Someday I may give it a shot.
Photo courtesy of the author