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As a husband and father, there are times when you feel like a failure and struggle with having a positive view of yourself, especially if you have a child with special needs.
In those moments, it helps to meet other men who you can identify and connect with.
Men who are struggling to be the positive influence in their children’s lives yet feel like they’re falling short of a standard that we artificially set for ourselves.
Then, there’s a handful of times in one’s life when you meet someone and hear their life’s journey and think to yourself, “Wow, that’s a powerful story, I really admire that person.”
That was me recently.
About a month ago, my wife told me about an organization (Deaf Latinos y Familias) who was recognizing fathers of children who were deaf. The organizer of the event wanted to invite me and my family to attend.
However, before I accepted the invitation, I also received an opportunity to watch the new Spider-Man movie before it came out in theatres at a private screening at Sony Studios.
What are the odds that both events would be on the same date and at the same time?
Apparently, for me, extremely high.
Somehow, the powers of the universe conspired against me so that I had to make a choice on which event to attend.
Now, I’m a huge Marvel fan. I’m an even bigger Spider-Man fan.
I spent a whole day thinking about my decision.
The event for the Deaf Latinos y Familias was for father’s like me, who has a deaf child. It would give me a chance to meet other men in my situation and hopefully connect with them.
On the other hand, going to a movie studio to watch a private screening of a summer blockbuster doesn’t come around that often.
I decided to ask my conscience (aka – my wife) what I should do. And she told me, this was decision was mine alone to make.
Of course, I would attend the father’s event, because, well, I’m a father and for some reason, I felt that perhaps, I’d met someone who I could connect with.
Spidey and his adventure far from home would have to wait.
After driving about 40 miles in Los Angeles traffic on a Saturday, we arrived at a community center in South L.A.
There were a few guys clustered together speaking Spanish and using American Sign Language (ASL), both languages I don’t know too well.
As I looked around, I saw him.
One bad hombre (“man” for those non-Spanish speakers).
He certainly met all the criteria:
L.A. Dodgers hat lowered right above his eyes. Check.
Tattoos on his arms. Check.
Shaved head with a goatee. Check.
Looking hard, like he’s going to kick someone’s rear if things got crazy. Check.
I wanted to ingratiate myself with this guy, but I didn’t quite know how to do it.
So, I did what every normal man does when sizing up other men.
Nothing, but just observe.
The coordinator of the event had hired some artists to teach us how to paint a sunrise in the ocean.
My painting skills are atrocious.
Wilson,on the other hand, was quite the artist.
Maybe this guy wasn’t so hard after all.
As we finished our paintings, his looked like a Bob Ross masterpiece, while mine looked like a Pee Wee Herman finger painting.
My wife started to compliment his work, which was my chance to introduce myself.
“Yea, good job,” was the only thing I could think of saying.
Fortunately, Wilson’s wife started talking to my wife, which led to me talking to him.
As we talked, he started to share his life’s journey.
Tagging.
Stealing cars.
Drugs.
Hanging with the wrong crowds.
Growing up in the hood.
Oh, yea, he was one bad hombre.
But, in the midst of sharing, he started talking about his kids.
Two sons and one daughter.
Both boys are disabled. The oldest is deaf, while the other has cerebral palsy and is confined to a wheelchair.
“Don’t be like me,” he confided.
“I should have learned Sign Language when my boy was young, but I was always working.”
I could see that this guy had a heart. A heart for his family.
Despite the relational, financial, and even spiritual struggles, Wilson wanted to be a better father.
This doesn’t happen too often, but I felt a connection with this guy. A connection that if it had occurred at any other place or time in our lives, we wouldn’t have had this in-depth, authentic discussion which we were having in the midst of this event.
We talked for maybe 30 minutes straight and for two guys who just met one another, that might seem like an eternity.
Learning about his struggles growing up in the hood, having two disabled kids, struggling to make amends with his oldest son, the amount of pride he has for his daughter who is a budding artist, and where he is at spiritually, made me see Wilson for who he really is.
A man whose love for his family is what drives him to work 14 – hour days. A father who wants to learn a language so he can communicate with his son. A contributor who gives of his time to participate in an organization his wife is spearheading for Latino families with children who are deaf.
About three days later, my wife showed me a mini-documentary, entitled “Bad Hombre”.
To my surprise, it was of Wilson “Punch” Peña sharing about the struggles he and I had recently talked about. Struggles of living in the hood and what it takes to make it there, especially with special needs kids.
Throughout the documentary, I learned about a father who had to reinvent himself from a boy to a man and whose life is dedicated to his family.
For all the negative things he’s done in his life, here’s a man who wants to be a hero to his wife and kids.
We stood on an equal playing field. No longer one bad hombre talking to another, just two fathers who want the best for their families and will do everything in our power to improve their lives. Even if it means sacrificing our own wants and desires, and in my case, seeing Spider-Man.
You can watch Wilson’s powerful story at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0rvfXiTL_U&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop
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