One Powerful Ingredient to Your Success You’re Overlooking

Let me tell you a story about this guy I knew:

Liam was very talented and admired for his technical skills, but he struggled with forming personal connections. His blunt demeanor and poor social awareness usually alienated people, limiting his career advancement despite his qualifications. In his personal life, Liam’s seeming emotional detachment got in the way of friendships and, from what I heard, romantic relationships. As a result, he was usually left feeling isolated.

Unfortunately for Liam, he tended to dismiss people as being “overly sensitive” and doubled down on his habits; and on their part, those who could, usually distanced themselves, choosing to go around him whenever possible, or simply just walked away.

Sadly, we have lost touch,and and I have no idea exactly what his life is like now.

Why some just seem to have it so easy

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to just breeze through life’s challenges and never seem to get stuck in the same frustrating patterns? Well, let me tell you their secret: it is not just because they are smart and work hard (Liam was both!). There’s another secret ingredient: emotional intelligence (EQ).

If only Liam had developed his emotional intelligence, his life would have been so very different: his relationships, career, and sense of personal fulfillment would have all been greatly enhanced by simply being more in tune with himself and others.

What is emotional intelligence?

“Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you.”

You can think of EQ as your “people skills,” i.e. the superpower that enables you to relate to others and build meaningful relationships.

First, however, it enables you to know yourself by understanding your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, etc.; and manage your own emotions, especially in challenging situations. Then, you have a feel for others by being able to tune into their emotions.

How would all that have helped poor Liam?

He would have been able to connect on a deeper level, strengthening his relationships: romantic, professional, and even with us casual acquaintances.
In his professional life, he would have found it indispensable for teamwork, conflict resolution, and even any leadership roles he played.
In his personal life, it certainly would have helped him understand those around him as well and manage his own emotions and reactions to them. It definitely would have been less stress and more happiness all round!

Simple things you can do to boost your EQ

A great way to start is naturally by paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings. Journaling can be helpful here and you can use simple techniques like deep breathing to calm yourself when emotions flare.

Next, always try to see the world from others’ perspectives: ask questions, listen actively; and seek feedback from people you trust, for instance, about how do they see you handle certain situations.

The more you are able to increase your EQ, the more comfortable you will be in your own skin, the more you will be better able to genuinely connect with people and transform your life. I only wish I had tried harder to let Laim know all this.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***