Opposites Attract: The Truth Behind the Myth

We all know the saying: opposites attract. But does it really hold up under scrutiny?

The answer to this question has been debated for centuries. Some people say that there is no evidence to back up the claim, while others believe it with every fiber of their being.

With so much conflicting information out there, it can be hard to know what’s true and what’s not.

“A great relationship is about two things: First appreciating the similarities, and second respecting the differences”

– Unknown

Part 1: The Claims

Can opposites really attract?

The first reason some argue against the idea is fundamental differences in how we see the world.

For example, extroverts might find introverted partners boring because they don’t like socializing as much as an extrovert would — but an introvert might think their partner’s constant need for company is too demanding.

This means that being with somebody totally opposite from yourself should only happen if you are able to keep an open mind about how these differences should play out within your shared life together.

The key part here is “shared” because relationships require work on both individuals’ parts.

However, if one of you is more willing to compromise or step outside their comfort zone, this can go a long way towards keeping the relationship fresh and exciting.

What is the true definition of opposites attract?

It is believed that opposites attract in certain situations because of differences between people. The more contrasting a person’s traits are from their partner, the greater chance they are attracted to one another and stay together long-term.

Opposites seem to attract under certain circumstances; however, just because someone has opposing traits doesn’t mean that these differences will increase attraction levels between two individuals — rather than a decrease, as some would assume.

The most compelling evidence is perhaps research done by BetterHelp which looks into how good girls and bad boys get together.

Their findings suggest that it’s not necessarily the similarities that attract two individuals, but rather because they have already formed trauma relationships. Therefore, opposites may attract but not because of a good motive or reason.

In order for opposites to attract in harmony, both people have to be open-minded and flexible enough in their own viewpoints that they can occasionally step outside of themselves to consider a different perspective.

Can similar people attract too?

According to insider.com, they discovered that people in long-term relationships tend to be more similar than random pairs of strangers when it comes to intelligence levels.

However, couples who have been together for quite some time actually begin to display lower levels of similarity compared with strangers on other traits such as extraversion or conscientiousness.

This may seem dangerous, but research suggests otherwise: firstly, those who believe that “opposites attract” tend to be less satisfied with their relationship than those who don’t buy into the myth; secondly, there is no difference in psychological well-being as a function of similarity on any trait examined — even neuroticism or attachment style.

In fact, similar partners were slightly better overall as friends and romantic partners than dissimilar ones.

Those who subscribe to the idea that “opposites attract” might be surprised at how satisfied their similar partners are with them; and how, over time, these similarities will likely become more pronounced. This theory was supported by research conducted at Stanford.

Part 2: The Effects

How can you use this information to your advantage in your life or love life?

Knowing that opposites can sometimes attract, but the similarity is more likely to last in a relationship, you should be open-minded about the types of people you are willing to date.

This doesn’t mean that if someone isn’t your total opposite or “yin” to your “yang,” they aren’t suitable for you; instead, consider whether these differences might provide enough excitement and newness within the context of an enduring bond with somebody who will love and respect you as much as you do them.

Things to remember when considering opposites attraction :

• Opposites may attract in the short term, but the similarity is often what keeps a relationship going.
• Just because somebody has different traits to you, it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily right for you — remember, too many differences can lead to problems within relationships.
• The similarity is more likely to lead to a longer-lasting relationship.

Tips on how to apply these tips into your life/love life:

If you aren’t happy with your current relationship, consider the above points — what are some of these differences? Are they enough to overcome any problems associated with having too many differences in one’s life/love life?

Could you see yourself being attracted to somebody very different from you when it comes down to core values and beliefs about how a family should be run or treated, for example? Does this person have traits that could help improve areas within yourself which perhaps need work?

If so, then maybe there is something here worth exploring further. Opposites may attract initially, but over time, similarity will become more pronounced.

Be open-minded when thinking about who might make an appropriate partner in light of recent findings. Consider whether people are actually indeed ‘opposite’ in your mind or whether it’s just differences that are being considered.

“The differences that separate human beings are nothing compared to the similarities that bond us together.”

— Sophie Gregoire Trudeau

The Bottom Line

In conclusion, people may think that opposites attract due to their differences, but the attraction doesn’t seem to last for very long, and similarity seems to be what keeps couples together.

Be open-minded when thinking about who might make an appropriate partner in light of recent findings.

Consider whether people are actually indeed ‘opposite’ or not, but rather that they simply may seem different due to their own upbringing, etc.

Being flexible is key for both individuals within the relationship as well — be willing to consider somebody else’s viewpoint without judging them based on preconceived notions, stereotypes, etc. If this works for you, then go ahead and explore what this means for your future relationships.

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Originally published at implementationofwisdom.com

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Previously Published on medium

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