Many people are feeling stressed this holiday season. It’s not just the usual worries getting them down. The pandemic has added a whole new dimension.
You see, families tend to have multiple generations. They may encompass a variety of health conditions as well as political viewpoints and tastes in cuisine. These kinds of things have always made harmonious holidays a bit tricky. Nowadays, things might be harder.
I recently watched this video from Australia that addressed some special issues we face right now. I thought it did a good job of discussing options for those who are part of “mixed” groups — those in which some are vaccinated while others are not.
The video specifically discusses Christmas, but the suggestions apply to other holidays as well.
What do you do when your parents host a get-together but your sister, her spouse, and their children are not vaccinated? Should you tell your parents they can’t invite their daughter and her family? Do you boycott the gathering? Lecture people? Or fume silently only to explode after a few drinks?
How about if you’re not vaccinated and your best friends want you to wear a mask to their celebration? Do you get hostile and boycott the event?
I’m not going to tell anyone what they should do but I do have a few thoughts:
- Everyone has the right to prioritize their health. It’s OK to politely explain why you can’t attend or host a gathering full of unvaccinated people.
- Don’t cause a scene.
- Respect that people are different. Chances are your family and friend group already has people of differing political and religious viewpoints, or members of a different orientation. Ask yourself what is more important — being right or keeping the relationship.
The Australian video showed interviews with several people as well as with experts. Some vaccinated people were planning to include unvaccinated family and friends while others were not. Experts weighed in.
- Different groups have different levels of risk. What works for one family may not work for another.
- Rapid tests are now available. Hosts could ask guests to take one.
- Having an outdoor event might be an inclusive solution.
- Families could have two separate events, or set up more than one table.
- One way to minimize exposure might be to set time limits and to ask people to keep social distance.
Here’s my experience, for what it’s worth. I have a wide circle of friends who have widely different opinions on things like masks, vaccination, etc. Yet all of these people love me and treat me with respect and affection. I’m not going to eliminate them from my life. We can agree to disagree and avoid certain topics. We can also agree to take measures that address concerns.
Once you know what someone else’s limits are, if you’re a decent person, you’re obligated to respect those boundaries.
For example, in the past, when I hosted vegetarian, kosher, or halal friends, I made sure there were plenty of dishes they were comfortable eating. I was super-careful to check to make sure there were no items in those dishes that would be unacceptable to them.
At the same time, I do not allow others to dictate to me.
For example, I had one friend who insisted on brown rice. When we invited her and her husband to dinner, I made two types of rice. Everyone except my friend preferred the white rice, but her needs were accommodated. However, instead of appreciating the extra effort, she complained several times, even though the brown rice was properly cooked and seasoned. Her husband took me aside to apologize for her behavior. I didn’t ruin the evening with a confrontation, but I stopped inviting her to meals.
Mutual respect and tolerance requires an emotional maturity that not everyone has.
One piece of advice I will give — if you always have huge fights at family gatherings and think it’s always everyone else’s fault… maybe you need to take a step back and consider that you may be part of the problem.
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Previously Published on Medium
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