It’s amazing how good people are at raising kids who are at a certain stage, but struggle once a new developmental transition is reached.
One parent who is great with infant routines and toddler’s “No’s!” is totally lost at sea once door slamming 15-year-old comes around. The parent who doesn’t know how to deal with a kid who tantrums are right at home during the endless nitpicking negotiation of adolescence. If only parenting was a relay race and you got to tag in and out during the stages that you were best at.
How do we get better at weathering the shifts in our kids?
Know the Developmental Transition Basics
There are way more books on parenting out there than you will ever have time to read.
Bonus: several of them give conflicting advice. Add to that the parenting blogs, advice from relatives and friends, coaches, therapists, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, etc.—you can spend your kid’s entire childhood just researching how to take care of them. There’s even an email course about becoming a dad!
And you still have questions.
So, what’s left?
Well, there are some basic developmental transitions you should be familiar with. During different stages of your child’s life it will help you immensely to know what’s coming. It may even take some pressure off of you. There are physical, mental, and emotional shifts that are somewhat predictable given an age range (Important phrase there: ‘age range’—don’t get all worried if at turning 14-years-old Junior isn’t suddenly becoming as hygiene conscious as you were told he would.)
Being ready and knowing that your teenager is going to rebel in order to find their own individual self can lessen the sting. If you’re prepped for that then you won’t be as upset when they say they don’t want to go on that special camping adventure the two of you have done for the past ten years. The large emotional dramas with regard to small things and the inability to see consequences (!), once they are to be expected, are not as frustrating.
Yes, it’ll all still sting and still be frustrating, but it helps to see it as part of a developmental pattern.
Because then you can take it a little less personally.
Because that’s the killer. Taking it personally.
So, find a voice you trust. Read up. Remember that whoever is writing does not know your particular child so there’s no bible out there.
Just be prepped for the norms.
Conclusion
Parenting through developmental transitions isn’t easy. Don’t be afraid to learn what we in the biz call “developmental milestones” and do talk to someone if you’re concerned that your child is not meeting these. If you have a co-parent, support each other and lean on each other for support. Listen to what makes sense and move forward. Make sure that you’re not getting in your own parenting way—know yourself and recognize when you’re falling into a pattern that might not be the right fit for your son or daughter. If you’re looking for some individual help with this please contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation. We can figure out if meeting further would be of help.
—
Originally published on Park Slope Therapist
—
◊♦◊
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
◊♦◊
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
- To join our Facebook Page, go here.
- To sign up for our email newsletter, go here.
- To follow The Good Men Project on Twitter, go here.
◊♦◊
However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!
◊♦◊
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock ID 469014026